After being gone for five days, I'm glad to be home, yet, sad. Wish I could've stayed longer with my aunt to help her out. What a rough, emotional first week of Christmas break. My uncle passed away on my birthday, last week, which was also the last day of school for me. The last five days were filled with family, tears, and lots of love. Today, the funeral, the graveside service, the family dinner, more traveling. Morgan is doing somewhat better. To her, this was Papa Jim, and Granny Retha, all of her life, even though they were, in reality, her great uncle and aunt.

Then, more bad news, in the midst of all of this. My dad. Dear Lord, please help him; please heal his body, and make him new. I can't lose him. Not now.

So tired. So sad.

Much to do, so little time. Can't wait for Christmas break. I have never waited this long to put up my Christmas tree. UGH...my heart just isn't in it, for some reason. Just when I think I'm okay, I have a dream. Why? Why? The last two days have been hard. Bittersweet. I'm happy and hopeful, yet, so sad and lonely. How can that be? Lord, please help me. I miss you, Mom. I miss pure happiness. I miss my brother. This lone journey is a hard one. I miss my dad, even though he's still here. Please, Lord, make him better.

"It is well with my soul..." It is. It truly is. Finally. I'm good. I'm happy. I'm excited about life again. I'm over it. It's a scar, for sure. A BIG, ugly, nasty scar. But, scars are a sign of survival, not defeat. I'm no longer defeated. I am a survivor....always have been. Thank you, Lord. Others may leave and forsake me, but, YOU...You never will. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Oh, YEEAAHHHH!!! Go POKES!!!! AWESOME win tonight!!! Loved every minute of the game!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Please, Lord, not again.

Thank you, Lord!! I am there!! I am happy. I AM going to be okay. You know my heart, and You alone will give me what my heart needs and desires. You helped me find my happy again. Thank you, and God, I love you. You had my perfect plan all along, as always.

"Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Came across this today. Thank you, Lord. You are the one constant in my life. What an awesome promise. Only You. I can count on You. You, and You alone, will NEVER leave me...never forsake me.

Thank You for always being there for me, even in the darkest of hours; even when I don't deserve it. This verse alone is a gift, but, the promise in this verse is the ultimate gift. What a simple promise, yet profound, never ending, and ever present, from this day forward, in my heart.

What a surprise. You sounded good. You sounded happy. I'm glad you're happy.

I'm getting there slowly, but, surely. It's almost been a year. This time last year, it was all falling apart...for the fourth time. Why didn't I listen the first time?

I'm trying. I'm trying really hard to move on. Every now and then, I slip. Many memories are triggered by a song on the radio, a rainy day, a football game on the television...That's when I slip and fall back. Then, I try my best to pick myself back up...again and again. It might take a day or two, but, I always get back up. I'm not a quitter. Never have been. I guess that's why it was so hard for me to understand. I know when I want something, I don't give up. But, maybe that's why you gave up so easily....you just thought you knew what you wanted at first, then, you realized you wanted what you already had all along....or didn't want someone else to have it??

I can see more clearly now. Things I didn't notice last year, I now see. The things I DID notice are now more magnified. One of these days, I WILL be able to say, "Thank God for unanswered prayers." Not right now. It still feels like an unusually cruel, mean joke. Someday, it will feel okay. It will be well with my soul. I know, this all sounds crazy. But, this is how I'm working it all out. Slowly, but surely.

Like I said, I'm glad you're happy.

Heartbroken and in complete disbelief. Just total shock. A very dear, sweet young friend passed away today. I just cannot believe it. What a good, good, person. He was just like a son or little brother to me. My heart just breaks for his mom, dad, wife, and two very young children. His baby is just months old. Born probably less than six months ago? I do know he's in Heaven right now though. He's laughing and joking around with the best of them, I'm sure. Love ya, Brandon.

It's a new day. It's a good day. I'm getting there. I smiled today. I'm starting to get my happy back. I can feel it creeping in. It's been over a year. A long, sad year. No looking back. I have to look forward. I will make it.