Okay, I'm getting my happy back.  It's a very guarded happy, but, nonetheless, happy.  The sick stomach is improving, not quite completely gone, but getting better.  This is going to take time, patience, and lots of conversation.  I'm willing to put in the work, because it will be worth it.  It is worth it.

At least I'm no longer in limbo.  I have some direction now.  I'm not as lost as I was this time last week.  Thank you, Lord, for miracles.  Thank you, Lord, for blessings.  I am truly blessed, beyond measure.  It is oh, so much better to know where I'm going now.  I'm not very good at not knowing what direction I'm going.  I have to know the details, the plan, and be ready for what is coming.  Last week I knew nothing of what was coming, when it would all play out, or how to plan.  Everything was up in the air, for an indefinite amount of time.  Not knowing is not my favorite condition to be in.  Wondering when the bottom is  going to drop out is no fun.  In fact, it's downright scary. 

I don't do scary.  I never liked scary movies, scary books, scary anything.  Fear of the unknown equals scary. Then, add to all of that, lonely. Scary plus Lonely equals Sad.  I don't do lonely very well, either.  Even though, ironically, I've always basically been a true loner, in every sense of the word.  Being alone has never really bothered me.  I guess I've been alone much of my life, sometimes even when I'm surrounded by people.   I've never been one to "need" to be with other people.  Don't get me wrong, I do love to be with my children, family, and friends, but, I've never felt compelled to "be" with someone 24/7, until now, that is.  I NEED my alone time.  I crave alone time....normally.  I LOVE being with my kids, family, and friends, but, I still crave a certain amount of alone time.  I just like to be alone to think sometimes, to plan, to organize my thoughts, to write, read, contemplate.  Alone time calms me.  Alone time heals me;  alone time was NOT good last week.  I did not want to be alone at work.  Down time was not good or calming.  Alone was not where I wanted to be last week.  Alone was a very dark, sad, place last week, and excruciatingly quiet.  I'm not liking "alone" time near as much as I used to.  I need "together" time now.  "Together" is the key word for now, and probably from here on out, for me.  I think "together" is my better choice from here on out.  It's a good place for me.  I like it.  Together...I do like it.