It's done, it's over.  It's been a month-long process, but, now, it's really over. I don't like it, but, I have no choice in the matter.   My heart is broken.  Always will be.  Crushed.  I won't ever get over this one.  I just won't.  This one was different.  So many plans.  So many promises.  It hurts throughout each and every cell in my body.  Still so sick at my stomach.  This too shall pass.  A wonderful woman used to always say this when something was going awry.  This too shall pass.  I just don't see it happening anytime soon.  It will take forever and a day for me to get over this. 

The horrible headache, the stomach ache, the broken heart, all too much at once.  More than I can      handle.  But, I have to handle it. I remember when my Mom was dying of cancer.  People would constantly make comments like.."I just don't know how you can handle this; I wouldn't be able to."  WHAT?!?  This statement always made me furious!!!  You don't really have a choice.  You HAVE to handle it, you HAVE to deal with it.  It's not a choice.  When you lose someone, you don't really have a choice, you are just left behind to deal with the loss, the emptiness, the heartbreak, ON YOUR OWN, all by yourself.  There are no choices in the matter.  So, I guess I just need to figure out HOW to handle this.  One moment at a time.  I can't do one hour or even one day at a time.  I'm doing good just to get through each and every moment.  I won't be able to do it without God's help.  That is the only way I'll ever survive each moment, each hour, each day, each month, each lonely, lonely year.  He has always been there for me, even through my darkest hours.  The loss of my beautiful, sweet mother...HE was there.  All of my daughter's heart surgeries...HE was there.  Everything I've ever had to go through...HE was there.  My ONLY salvation, my only hope, always and forever.  God is good.  He knows our heart.  He knows our everything.  He promised He wouldn't give us more than we could handle.  I'm banking on that, because I am there.  I can't handle any more heart break. None.  But, in my heart, I know that God will answer our prayers.  He always does.  <3