After being gone for five days, I'm glad to be home, yet, sad. Wish I could've stayed longer with my aunt to help her out. What a rough, emotional first week of Christmas break. My uncle passed away on my birthday, last week, which was also the last day of school for me. The last five days were filled with family, tears, and lots of love. Today, the funeral, the graveside service, the family dinner, more traveling. Morgan is doing somewhat better. To her, this was Papa Jim, and Granny Retha, all of her life, even though they were, in reality, her great uncle and aunt.

Then, more bad news, in the midst of all of this. My dad. Dear Lord, please help him; please heal his body, and make him new. I can't lose him. Not now.

So tired. So sad.

Much to do, so little time. Can't wait for Christmas break. I have never waited this long to put up my Christmas tree. UGH...my heart just isn't in it, for some reason. Just when I think I'm okay, I have a dream. Why? Why? The last two days have been hard. Bittersweet. I'm happy and hopeful, yet, so sad and lonely. How can that be? Lord, please help me. I miss you, Mom. I miss pure happiness. I miss my brother. This lone journey is a hard one. I miss my dad, even though he's still here. Please, Lord, make him better.

"It is well with my soul..." It is. It truly is. Finally. I'm good. I'm happy. I'm excited about life again. I'm over it. It's a scar, for sure. A BIG, ugly, nasty scar. But, scars are a sign of survival, not defeat. I'm no longer defeated. I am a survivor....always have been. Thank you, Lord. Others may leave and forsake me, but, YOU...You never will. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Oh, YEEAAHHHH!!! Go POKES!!!! AWESOME win tonight!!! Loved every minute of the game!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Please, Lord, not again.

Thank you, Lord!! I am there!! I am happy. I AM going to be okay. You know my heart, and You alone will give me what my heart needs and desires. You helped me find my happy again. Thank you, and God, I love you. You had my perfect plan all along, as always.

"Never will I leave you. Never will I forsake you." Hebrews 13:5

Came across this today. Thank you, Lord. You are the one constant in my life. What an awesome promise. Only You. I can count on You. You, and You alone, will NEVER leave me...never forsake me.

Thank You for always being there for me, even in the darkest of hours; even when I don't deserve it. This verse alone is a gift, but, the promise in this verse is the ultimate gift. What a simple promise, yet profound, never ending, and ever present, from this day forward, in my heart.

What a surprise. You sounded good. You sounded happy. I'm glad you're happy.

I'm getting there slowly, but, surely. It's almost been a year. This time last year, it was all falling apart...for the fourth time. Why didn't I listen the first time?

I'm trying. I'm trying really hard to move on. Every now and then, I slip. Many memories are triggered by a song on the radio, a rainy day, a football game on the television...That's when I slip and fall back. Then, I try my best to pick myself back up...again and again. It might take a day or two, but, I always get back up. I'm not a quitter. Never have been. I guess that's why it was so hard for me to understand. I know when I want something, I don't give up. But, maybe that's why you gave up so easily....you just thought you knew what you wanted at first, then, you realized you wanted what you already had all along....or didn't want someone else to have it??

I can see more clearly now. Things I didn't notice last year, I now see. The things I DID notice are now more magnified. One of these days, I WILL be able to say, "Thank God for unanswered prayers." Not right now. It still feels like an unusually cruel, mean joke. Someday, it will feel okay. It will be well with my soul. I know, this all sounds crazy. But, this is how I'm working it all out. Slowly, but surely.

Like I said, I'm glad you're happy.

Heartbroken and in complete disbelief. Just total shock. A very dear, sweet young friend passed away today. I just cannot believe it. What a good, good, person. He was just like a son or little brother to me. My heart just breaks for his mom, dad, wife, and two very young children. His baby is just months old. Born probably less than six months ago? I do know he's in Heaven right now though. He's laughing and joking around with the best of them, I'm sure. Love ya, Brandon.

It's a new day. It's a good day. I'm getting there. I smiled today. I'm starting to get my happy back. I can feel it creeping in. It's been over a year. A long, sad year. No looking back. I have to look forward. I will make it.

"If it's important to you, you'll find a way. If it's not, you'll find an excuse."

"Never miss a chance to dance." :)

So excited about tomorrow!! Going to the Oklahoma State University vs. Kansas State game, in Stillwater, with my friend!! It's supposed to be cold & windy, and doesn't start until 7:00 p.m. Hoping we don't freeze!! Must go by and get hand and foot warmers before I leave!! Wearing lots of layers and all my OSU clothes!

I'm hoping this allergy/sinus thing I've had all week is all gone or even some better by tomorrow. I've been freezing in my classroom, with no heat!!

Going to a wedding next Friday at the Cherokee Casino in West Siloam Springs, Oklahoma! I had NO idea there was such a town in Oklahoma, until just the other day when I received the wedding invitation. You learn something new everyday!! It should be fun! I've never been to a wedding at a casino!! Spending the night, so we won't have to drive home late, since the wedding starts at 7:00 p.m., and it's a little over a two-hour drive.

Going to bed now. Long day tomorrow!! Can't wait!! GO POKES!!! :)

"When you really matter to someone, that person will always make time for you. No excuses, no lies, and no broken promises."

This is so hard. When is this going to be over?

Busy, busy weekend. Had lots of fun! Ready for fall break at the end of next week!!

I go to three inclusion classes during the course of the day. These are regular ed. classes, with special education students. My job is to wander around the classroom, helping all of the students, if needed, but, focusing on the special education students, without any of the students knowing that I'm there mainly for my "special" kiddos.

In one of these classes, the regular ed. teacher was gone today. There was a male substitute teacher. When I walked into the classroom, the kids were going bananas! One particular student, whom I will call "Johnny" noticed me walk in and immediately says, "Miss Stamper!! I'm SO glad you're here, the class is going crazy; they're being awful for the sub!" This is quite comical and ironic to me, because normally, "Johnny" is one of the main ring leaders, if you will, when the regular ed. teacher is present. I look him in the eye, and he's serious; he's completely upset with the behavior of his classmates. They are being quite loud and rambunctious. I say, "Okay, thanks," then, stepped back to observe how the substitute was going to handle the situation. He seemed to be doing fairly good at executing the lesson, however, the kids were, unfortunately, not listening to him, for they were way too busy talking, laughing, and cutting up. In the meantime, I quickly drew up a seating chart, then, in just a second or two, held up my seating chart and explained that I was taking notes on behavior and would be glad to share it with Mrs. Teacher-lady when she returns tomorrow. Immediate silence and cooperation took place in the classroom. :) I enjoyed watching excellent behavior from that point on.

Three minutes before the bell was about to ring to dismiss the classroom, little Mr. 8th grade, big man on campus, Johnny, caught my eye from across the room and mouths the word, "I need to go to the restroom!!!" with sheer terror and agony on his face. I look back at him and mouth the words, "I do too!" with even more terror and agony on MY face.

IF ONLY I'd had a camera to record the look on his face....then, he mouths the words..."YOU do?!?!" I nod my head "Yes". He just looks dumbfounded. He doesn't know how to react. Then, a great big smile comes over his face.

Priceless.

I won.

To the heart broken, scared, angry, lonely, lost... "Be still and know that I am God."

Okay, okay, so I wished the Longhorns "good luck". Forgive me? :)

Congrats! I hope you had fun. I'm sure you were right there in the big middle of it all, having fun, THIS time.

The Pokes won too!! :) Woo-Hoo!!!

On a new journey...

Which way do I go?

So many choices...

A little confused, but excited...

Lord, help me to make the right decision.

I can't believe this weekend is here again. What horrible, horrible memories. What was supposed to be so much fun, turned into a nightmare. I knew before we even left, we were doomed. I could feel it in my bones. Why couldn't you just tell me before we went down that long, lonely road?

I know you're probably there again this weekend. I hope you have a better weekend this year than the one we had last year. I hope this game works better for you.

Go Longhorns! :)

Praying I get out of this funk soon. I just want to move on. I just want to be happy again. I just want to live again. Please, Lord, help me to move on. Why can't I just forget? Why can't I just move on?

Much to do today. Would love to go to the fair today. However, I have so much to get done. The days are flying by, yet I feel as if I'm moving in slow motion. Help me, Lord.

Tomorrow is a new day. A new beginning. A busy weekend ahead.

"Every EXCUSE

is a choice to fail."

Sometimes the truth hurts. That's a fact of life.

That's just all there is to it. I'd rather live the rest of my life knowing the truth, than, wondering forever what the truth is.

If I have to say it a million times, I'll do it. I CANNOT move on until the truth is told. You owe me that much. Why can't you just do that for me? No matter how much I want and beg for the truth, it doesn't happen. I never, EVER asked you for anything. NOTHING. Why can't you give me this one thing? Why?

One last favor, then, I'll never ask for another thing from you.

Just the truth. The TRUTH. That's all. One or two sentences. Two minutes of uncomfortable pain, traded for my future. My ability to move on and heal, once and for all.

No matter how bad you THINK it might hurt me, or how hard it is for you to say, it's the one thing that will help me to heal and move on.

Unless you just really don't care and don't want me to move on...

How hard could that be? I don't know why you can't just tell me what you know will help me heal this broken heart. I need to move on. You are stealing my future. Just tell me. I will no longer be a thorn in your side, and you will be able to move on, as well. Once and for all. I know you've already moved on, but, until you give me the chance to move on, neither of us will be at peace.

That's what I thought. You haven't changed in over twenty-five years. You cannot, WILL NOT grow up and be honest. I mean REALLY honest. It's just not in your genes. You are not capable of telling the truth. You know, and I know, you DID NOT tell me the truth. I don't care what you say. You are SO transparent, it hurts. But, you don't care. That's pretty apparent.

You think you're fooling me.

NEWSFLASH: You're not.

I hope you can sleep at night. Oh, that's right, you don't. Hmmm....I wonder why?

Man up. Start being honest with yourself and others. You just might get some sleep if you start being honest with everyone, especially yourself. Try it on for size. See if it fits.

"The only person you're foolin' is you."

I knew you would ignore this. I knew I'd never hear from you again if I posed this question. You can't tell me the truth. No, you WON'T tell me the truth. You choose not to tell me the truth. If only you could just do me this one last favor, I could move on. I could try to forget. Heaven knows, I HAVE tried to forget, but, I can't, not until I know the real reason. Not until you admit the truth. I'm still in limbo, because I don't know the truth. I'm tired of being in limbo. I'm tired of not knowing why. Grow up and tell me the truth. You at least owe me that one little thing. You've stolen almost a year and a half of my life. Please give me back my life by just telling me one truth, once and for all.

Can you do it?

I think not.

You are not capable.

No matter how hard it is, you need to do it.

Now.

Please.

Happy Birthday. I hope life is good to you. I hope you dance. I hope you smile. I hope you laugh. I hope your heart is warm. I hope life gives you forty-five MORE years, or better. I hope life gives you sunshine, cool breezes, plenty of fishing, hunting, good games, good races, plenty of sweet, iced tea, Dr. Pepper, and most importantly, a warm embrace and lots of love.

You have all this, and more.

I need this. I want this. When and if I am EVER able to move on, I will have this. I can hardly even hope to see it on the horizon. But, there's just one more answer I need from you before I can move on. If you truly EVER cared anything about me, you would answer this one question, so that I might have some small speck of closure and a possibility of happiness. You are the only one that can answer this one question and release me to go on and have some sort of a normal, happy life. But, only if you truly ever cared, will I know the answer. If you are a real man, you will answer my question, once and for all. Then, and only then, will I be able to move on and live again. Are you man enough to tell the truth?

Had a great weekend with friends!!!

Going to hit the hay early. Lots to do this weekend!! Going to T-town to play with my friends!! Can't wait!!! Then, coming home Sunday morning to clean house and look for my keys!!! Please, Lord, help me find them.

Then, papers to grade, lesson plans to write, grades to record, laminating to cut out, etc. Fun, fun, fun!!!

Goodnight, Moon! It's off to bed I go...

"A broken heart is like broken ribs. You can't see the damage, but every breath hurts."

I've never heard it put that way, but, this is probably the best description I've come across lately.

Would love to go to my class reunion this weekend, but, probably won't. Would love to go to my massage class reunion, which is also this weekend, but, probably won't.

Two full weeks of school down. Ten days down; one hundred and seventy to go.

Had way too much fun this summer. Got spoiled with all the traveling, staying up late, sleeping in until 8:30 or 9:00. Yes, that's sleeping in for me!! Met a TON of new people, spread my wings, took some chances, and had a blast! I did everything possible to keep my mind busy, plus, I joined a gym that is closer to home!! Love it!! Have been going three or four times a week!!! Why does summer always have to fly by?

First week of school is done. Five days down, only one hundred seventy-five left to go!! Woo-hoo!! On the second day with kiddos, I was christened with the proverbial "B" word!! Already! I must be doing something right! Ha!! :) That child will be gone for a couple of days!! I think I'm going to like this new administration!! Immediate results!!

Went to an "End of First Week of School Party" at one of my fellow teacher's homes last night!! Had fun!! My goal for this year is to be more social, get out of this house, and do things besides work all the time.

The other day a very dear friend sent me a little thing on my cell phone. It had a cute little video/song with a heart, rainbows, etc., and a little saying which went something like this:

"Life is too short to wake up with regrets. So love the people who treat you right. Forget about the one's who don't. Believe everything happens for a reason. If you get a second chance, grab it with both hands. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said life would be easy, they just promised it would be worth it. Friends are like balloons: once you let them go, you can't get them back. So, I'm gonna tie you to my heart so I never lose you."

That is where it all began.

Deja vu. Weird.

Thanks, Lord. You have SUCH a sense of humor! But, I still love You, with all my heart. I know You know what's best, even though I might not like it...

P.S. You looked happy, but, even more disturbing than that....is the fact that the person standing next to you DOES NOT. Why do you suppose that is? Hmmmmm...

Sometimes we get what we want, or what we THINK we want, only to discover we don't really want that at all. Chew on that one for awhile...

I'm not ready for this.

What can I say? You look happy. That's good. I'm happy for you. One of us certainly needs to be happy with our choices...might as well be you.

Staying busy is highly overrated. I thought that would be the ticket. The magic bullet. The way to forget. The way to move on.

I was wrong.

It doesn't work. At all.

Reminders everywhere. I mean EVERYWHERE. Summer. Songs on the radio. Dark gray Dodge parked in my driveway. That was a slap in my face. 3:00. Sonic. Tulsa. Muskogee. The fairgrounds. The race track. Every restaurant. The highway. Sports on t.v. You name it. It triggers a memory.

Why is this NOT getting any easier? I try to forget. I try to be happy. I try to stay busy. I pray. I read. I travel. I walk. I exercise. I garden. I play. I write. I clean. I drive. I talk. I sleep.

I cry.

Had a great weekend with lots of friends, at Fin and Feather Resort!!! So much laughter, fun, stories, food, and did I say, FUN?!?!?! I so needed this laughter, fun, and friends. We all did. What a blessing to be with so many people who help you leave all your worries behind, and experience uncontrollable laughter once again. To smile, to laugh, to have someone to talk to...priceless, and much needed.

Morgan got a JOB!!! YEAH!!! An answer to many, many prayers!! She will be working at Quik Trip!! Good benefits- medical/dental insurance, education stipends, etc. Helped her shop for some new clothes to work in, mainly khaki pants, shorts, some good tennis shoes, and took her out to eat for her birthday today!! Can't believe she is nineteen!!!

On Sunday, I went to church with my Dad. I'm holding on to these moments, for I know someday they'll be gone. I'm hoping it doesn't happen for a long, long time. I love my Dad so much. Thank you, Lord, for my sweet, sweet Daddy.

After church, I drove back to Tulsa to spend the afternoon with friends. We cooked out, ate lots of yummy food, and best of all, I got to hold Irwin, the kangaroo!!! He's the softest, sweetest, cutest little animal I've ever seen and held!! Haven't got to visit with my friends, in person, in quite some time. It was a good day. We're all looking forward to our weekend with our friends from high school next weekend!!! Should be lots of fun catching up with them!!

Having a great weekend!! Spent the night in Tulsa last night; went shopping for our Fin & Feather weekend gag gifts with my girlfriends; came back home to go to Jake & Amanda's Fourth of July Party! Lots of food, friends, family, and fireworks!!!

June, please slow down. I don't want to see July. Summer is going by WAY too quickly. I'm trying to keep busy.

I went on a ten day vacation to Louisiana with a friend. We stayed in Baton Rouge; visited St. Francisville, New Orleans, and lots of places in between. I met a multitude of sweet people with wonderful Southern accents, rode a boat at sunset, sampled new and interesting foods, tasted my first beignets, saw some beautiful old homes and churches, lots of lush gardens, shopped 'til we dropped, found some treasures, walked all over New Orleans, rode a trolley, and had a great time. I was able to take some great pictures, but, not near enough. Hopefully, I'll be able to post a few soon.

Celebrated Jakob's first birthday as soon as I returned from Louisiana. I made his birthday cakes and took them to Lake Eufaula, where tons of his family members were camping. Got to see lots of old friends! Jakob is getting SO big. He learned how to walk before his first birthday, and has several teeth!! He loves his "Grammy"(and she loves him!!!), and cried to go home with me when I went to see him after returning from Louisiana!! :) He's a perfect little angel.

Have been super busy with my massage business since returning from Louisiana. Went to a send off party for a fellow teacher who is moving to Dallas in a couple of days. Went shopping with a friend today in Claremore and Pryor, after getting pedicures and a new haircut. Had fun. It's been a whirlwind of a summer, so far. I'm not ready to even think about going back to school. Summer is way too short, but, it's not over yet. Still more things to do before it's over, lots of plans with friends, and a couple more road trips.

One month today. It's been one month. Longest month ever. I try to forget, but, I fail there too. I try to move on. It looks like I have, on the outside. The inside is still stuck in time, forever. Such an ugly word - forever. Such a long time. I still remember everything. I've played everything over and over in my mind. Still no answer. What did I do? Why? What a nightmare. What a cruel joke. Life. Dear Lord, please just help me get through this. Why can't I just close this door? Why can't I just move on? Why do I have to remember everything? How long is this going to hurt? There's that "forever" word again...

Head hurts so bad. Crazy weather. I'm going to bed, hoping I can sleep.

This was a very hard day, one of many, actually. Why does doing "the right thing" have to hurt SO bad? After months of soul searching, heart wrenching agony, I came to the only conclusion that makes sense. I don't like it. I didn't want to do it. In fact, I hate it. Why did I have to step up and do it though? Why didn't I do it earlier? Because I'm the dang, stupid, freakin' "eternal optimist", that's why!!! My mind knows the truth, but, my heart doesn't want to listen to the truth. My heart keeps hoping, and always will. My mind knows not to hope, because all hope is gone. But, my mind and heart are in an eternal struggle, and have been disagreeing for far too long. They must come to an agreement, or a compromise, for now.

They say if you love something, you will let it go...and well, you know the rest of the saying. But, in this case, I don't think that little saying is going to work out quite that way for me. Six months of happiness; eight months of hell; a lifetime of heartbreak and being all alone in the world. Yeah, it hurts to do the right thing. The "right thing" SUCKS. This is going to be hard. God, please hold and help me. I can't do this without You.

God is good. Leaning on you now.

“Real loss only occurs when you lose something that you love more than yourself.” ~unknown

Hugs and prayers for my daughter-in-law.

So very tired. Only eleven more days, and still tons of paperwork and other chores to finish before school is out. Working like crazy to get it all finished in time!! Going to bed extra early tonight. Just want to sleep.

God is good.

Happy Mother's Day to you, Mom. I love and miss you so much. I can't believe it's been almost twenty-six years since you went to Heaven. I think of you and miss you every day.

Thank you, Lord, for Fridays, sunshine, mocha coconut frappacinos (paid for by a good friend in the car ahead of me!), my kids, grandbaby, a kiss and hug from my sweet daddy, and most of all, the gift of Jesus, and Your undying love and arms wrapped around me when I need it the most....all of this, and SO much more...

I'm going to be okay. I'm not there yet, but, I'm getting close,...very close. Finally.

Grace...amazing grace. God is good.

Thank you, Lord.

Walked this evening. Enjoyed the company, the fresh air, and the exercise.

God is good.

Not ready for Monday. A rainy, lazy Sunday, followed by a frantic, busy Monday. Ugh...I'm just ready for summer. Come on, where are you, summer? Can't you please just get here a little bit faster???

"Indifference makes excuses, but love finds a way." ~Joyce Meyer

I'm loving this weather and wishing it could last all year around. I remember as a kid staying outside to play for hours in this kind of weather. I remember catching fireflies in a jar, riding bicycles through puddles, swimming every day in the summer, playing veterinarian with my best friend and next door neighbor, Kreela. I remember lying in the grass, looking up at the sky, not worried about anything. At that time, I had no clue about the time it took to do laundry, wash dishes, clean house, work an eight to ten hour day, etc. Life was easy. Life was simple. Life was good.

I have my mama and my daddy to thank for that. They made my childhood wonderful. Then, when I was twelve, they divorced. What shocks me the most though, is the divorce actually didn't upset me at all. Of course, I would rather have had them stay together, however, I knew they weren't happy. I was even tired of listening to them fuss and argue. It got old. I just wanted peace in my house. Just peace. I'm not going to say it was easy when my dad left, but, it was peaceful. I still like peace. I still want peace. I've never been one to like conflict. It's peace for me. Life is too short to be unhappy.

God is good.

So, so glad it's Friday. The last two weeks have been extremely busy. Eight out of ten days spent testing. Ugh.... Not going to get any less busy, anytime soon. Still have tons of paperwork to get done before the end of school. Only four weeks to go. Nineteen kid days. Twenty-one teacher days. Not near enough weekend days, nor enough summer days!!

Had a GREAT day! It's those few moments when everything is right with the world that makes life worth living.

Thank you, Lord.

God is good, all the time.

My truck is paid off!! Yay!! ANDddddd it hailed on it at least three or four times the last three days!! Arrgghhh....oh, well, I can't see any dings, but, it's all good either way.

My poor plants have been beaten from the hail. I hope they bounce back and survive!

Twenty-one more days. So much to get done in those few short weeks, got to get it ALL done, asap!!

This is hard. Lord, please help me. I need Your help. I need peace. I need resolution. I need direction. Where do I go from here?

Busy weekend, again. Massages, Easter egg hunt, laundry, but, best of all, a rainy, lazy Sunday, and time with family. Got to see my dad yesterday and today. He didn't look so great yesterday, and acted like he didn't feel good. He looked pale to me. Today, he and Maggie came over, and he looked great, seemed to be in a good mood, happy, etc. They had been to church.

Planted some more plants in my flower bed Friday night, as well as, a couple of hanging baskets with some herbs, for my front porch. I love the smell of rosemary. I also planted some parsley and basil. I just need to find some mint to plant, then, I'll be happy. Right now, my plants are really happy with all the rain we're getting!!

Did I say how much I love rain?!?

Lookin' for a rainbow...

God is good.

It's only Thursday, and this week has sure taken it's sweet time getting over with!! It started out good, but, is not ending up so great. Why is it that when things go horribly wrong, they just seem to snowball and get even worse by the minute.

This week we've been testing our specials all week long. That means I have one group of students, from 8:30 to 11:30,(and a different group everyday, some of which, I don't know & have never laid eyes on) then, my morning classes are missing out on my class...not that THEY mind, but, it sure wreaks havoc on my lesson plans!! Not to mention all the other paper work that I'm getting even further behind on....grrrr. Then, we do it at least four or five days again next week!!! Will I EVER get caught up on all of my paper work?? What is so bad is that while we are testing, the monitor and I are not allowed to do ANYTHING else. No paper work, no grading papers, no IEPs, no reading, no bathroom breaks, NOTHING!! Absolutely nothing!! At least three hours wasted every morning during testing. UGH!!!


On top of all of that, the kids are just out of this world this week. Not just my kids, everyone's kids. Many have been sent to In School Suspension, Back on Track (worse than ISS), or suspended, just the last couple of days. The full moon was LAST weekend!! What is going on?!?! We do have a change in temps/weather going on right at the moment, could that be it?? Probably so, plus, the fact that we only have twenty-five days left of school. They have just quit. Period. End of story. They have quit!


I wish the testing thing was my only problem, or even the student behaviors. It's really not that big of a deal. That's just the life of a teacher. Normal stuff. Keep you busy and on your toes stuff.


Everything seems to be falling apart right now. I just want to go to sleep, run away, or scream. None of those would help, well, except for the sleep. I could use a big 'ol Hershey bar right about now, but, I'm on a diet. I could use a large Sonic Dr. Pepper right now. No can do. I'm on a diet. I could use a lot of things right now, but, not in the plan.


One good thing DID happen today, however, I did get to go for my massage. Thank goodness for massage. What would I do without it, and my friend that I trade out with? Thank you, Lord.


Thank you, Lord, for rainy days, a warm, comfy bed, summer break, and little words from you that everything will be alright. I'm counting on that. I'm trusting You, Lord.


Standing on the promises.

God is good.

It was definitely a Monday. All day long....

Late this afternoon, I realized I had let my driver's license expire!! Yikes!! Panic set in! I made a mad dash back home to get it renewed, just in time, right before the office closed. I will definitely be signing up for the "driver's license renewal reminder e-mail"!!! It must be fairly new, because I was not aware that they did that!! I was worried I would have to take the test over!! That would be horrible if I did have to take it over and failed!! Special thanks to my friend "E" for letting me cancel our appointment, so I could get this done today, as my next chance would not be until Friday!! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!

Got to spend a little time with little "J" and take a few pics!! He's a doll, for sure!!

Okay, so maybe I didn't get so much housework done this weekend. However, I DID get my flowerbeds 90% done!! I got them all completely cleaned out, added more topsoil, planted six azaleas, three hostas, two daylilies, two forsythias, four creeping phlox, and about a dozen or so red, orange, and yellow celosia plants!! I need to find some sweet potato vines and moss rose before I add my weed mat and my red mulch, then, I'll be completely done! It's looking really good!! Lowe's didn't have my sweet potato vines or moss rose, so, I'll have to look elsewhere, probably Tulsa. A garden is not complete without sweet potato vines. I love the color, the quick growth, and the filling in factor. I moved my whiskey barrels to a different spot, with Jake's help, well, actually, he pretty much moved them FOR me, then, planted the creeping phlox and a few of the celosia plants in them. I also helped Jake and Amanda plant flower beds around two sides of their house. I hope I can get out of my bed tomorrow!! That's hard work. I'm already sore, but, I'm not sure if it's from the workouts or the flower beds, or a combination of both!! Either way, I see an extremely early bedtime in my very near future!!

I also worked in a massage this afternoon, at my house, for a sweet young lady, who is letting Morgan stay at her house during the week, while she attends college classes!

I need to record my grades before tomorrow morning, so, I'm debating whether to do that right now, or go to bed NOW (6:03 p.m.), then, get up extra early (4:00 a.m.)in the morning. I'm so tired and sleepy, don't know if I can stay awake much longer, so, I'm leaning toward the early bedtime...besides, I work better under pressure!! Most people call that procrastination, I call it "being extremely focused".

I got my "square up" card in the mail!! I'm so excited about using it in my massage business and in Morgan's and my craft businesses!! I think it will be an asset in all of our little business ventures!!



Enjoyed my day yesterday...went to a baby shower, then, to Lowe's to pick out plants and load up on topsoil and red mulch. It's always fun picking out new plants. However, this year, I got several plants that will be in my flower bed forever!! I hope the azaleas do well. My mom always had azaleas, and we always went to Muskogee for the Azalea Festival. I will think of her every time I look at them, every time I water them, and every time I smell their fragrant flowers. I miss her so much. I've always admired and wanted yellow forsythias. My step-grandma, Lorene, had some in her yard when I was a teenager. I bought two for the front corners of my house. I can't wait to see their yellow blooms this fall. Again, I will remember Grandma Lorene when I water these and see their blooms later this year. I didn't plant anything that I normally have in my flower beds. I guess I'm ready to try new things, with the exception of my sweet potato vines and moss rose. I'm not willing to part with them. Must find those soon, so I can add my weed mat and mulch, before I start getting weeds. My whiskey barrels normally have the moss rose in them, but, this year, I'm trying out the creeping phlox, with pink in one barrel, and purple in the other barrel. I will add pictures as soon as possible!!

A much better day today, in most aspects. Kids were good. A couple of bad eggs gone, one for the rest of the year; the other one for two days. Much calmer class without those two. What a difference just two kiddos being gone from one class makes. I feel bad for them, yet, when they cause the rest of the class to miss out on instruction, on a daily basis, it's just not fair to the other eight kiddos in my class. Thank you, Lord.

Today was pretty hectic though, not much spare time. Mock testing today. Had no clue I was doing that. Love testing time. NOT! If only there was a way for it to be a little more organized and we knew what was going on BEFORE-HAND!! I feel for my counselor friend that has to try to organize all of the testing for the whole school. I don't know how she does it. I definitely would NOT want her job!! I'm not looking forward to the next three or four weeks of testing!!! Why do the last two months of school have to be so stinkin' busy and stressful??? However, it does make it go by quickly!!

So wish I would've had more time for some texts/phone calls. They help to break up my day & cheer me up!! I miss those.

Lots to do this weekend!! Had a great Friday night!! Got a good workout, visited w/Jake, Amanda, and Jakob. Had fun!

Tomorrow, a baby shower, then, home to clean house, and hopefully, another workout and a nice long walk. Hoping it's pretty and sunny tomorrow. I'm getting addicted to my walks already! After that, I have tons of paperwork!! Grades to record, IEPs to write...thank goodness for SEAS, which allows me to do IEPs at home!!

Can't wait for summer, yet, it's bittersweet. Thinking about what this summer WAS going to be like, versus reality. Pretty sad. That damn dime! I'm just going to concentrate on getting rid of as much "stuff" as possible, streamline and simplify my house; lose a few more pounds; take a couple of roadtrips; and go skydiving.

Seven. I love you.

God is good.

Thirty-one days until school is out. Time seems to be standing still at the moment. I'm so ready for summer vacation. I'm so ready for change. I don't see it happening though. Looks like I'm probably still stuck in time. I just want to get in my truck and drive as far away as I can. Still, I can't leave my dad, or my kids.

So empty. Where do I go from here?

A GREAT day today! God is good!! Thank you, Lord, for all you do for me.

It's the little things that mean the most. A phone call, a walk to clear the mind, holding a baby, getting a text that makes your day.

So loving this weather!! The wind was not bad. Walking was great!! Can't wait to meet my goal and go skydiving this summer!!

God is good.

Got a LOT done at school today. Four IEPs written, one meeting held!! If I can just do that every day for the next week or so, I'll be done w/all of my meetings!! One more step toward May 31st!! Can't wait!! Going to try to be there by 7:00 a.m. again tomorrow morning.

Morgan and I will have a booth at the "Peace, Love, and Crafts" Fair in Tulsa this Saturday!! Just doing her jewelry this time, may expand and include other items next time, if it goes well. It's just a one day fair, open from 9:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m. Can't wait!! It should be lots of fun!!

Then, Sunday, Aluminum, with Amanda, then, taking Jakob home and spending the rest of the day with him!! Should be a busy, but, great weekend. Staying busy helps.

God is good. Thank you, Lord.

Six months. So much has changed, yet, so little. It still seems like yesterday, yet a lifetime ago. Time has flown, yet stood still. I'm stuck in time. They keep saying it'll get better with time, yet, it hasn't. It just doesn't. Ever. Get. Any. Better. Never.

Just existing.

That's all.

I miss you, mom. I need you.

Seven more weeks. Seven more Fridays. So much to do in the next seven weeks, it's unbelievable. Seven. My lucky number. Ha! Some luck! I just keep thinking of what WOULD have happened in the next seven weeks. Where I WOULD have been at the end of this seven weeks. What I was willing to do and give up, and the sacrifices I was willing to make. Gladly, willing to make. Happily, willing to make. The move. The new life. The new beginning.

Now, nothing. Just nothing. A forever of nothing. Seven, you've been good to me, up until now. NOW, you desert me.

God is STILL good.

Had an awesome day today!! Got to sleep in, first time in forever!!! I feel really bad though, because my dad called around 10:00 a.m. and wanted to know if I wanted to go to church with him. I knew I wouldn't have time to shower and get ready in time, so, I had to tell him no. I felt so bad.

Later, I met some friends in T-town, ate a late lunch, did some shopping, and lots of catching up!! We had so much fun!! I miss my friends. I didn't get home until around 6:00 or 6:30 this evening. Morgan is staying here tonight, so we got to visit a little. She's making tons of gorgeous necklaces!! She has some really cute business cards now, and I've been passing them out left and right!!

Great day!!

God is good!!

Up at 4:30 a.m. Showered, dressed, ate breakfast, did a few chores, and ready to go by 7:00. Watched Christie's interview with Good Morning America, at 7:40 a.m., about Irwin the Kangaroo, which was filmed at LaDonna's house!! So nifty!! There will also be an article about them in the next issue of People magazine!! Left the house by 8:15 to go do one massage, a new client!!

Home by 11:00, then, Jake, Jakob, and I went to an estate sale here in town. I found exactly what I was looking for, right off the bat...an old leaf rake!! Grand total? A whopping $1.50!!! Yes!! I'm going to remove the handle and use it as a way to display some of Morgan's necklaces at our next craft show. My idea? No, I actually stole/borrowed it...saw it on another website, thought it was a grand idea! I also found quite a few books!! Most of them were either twenty-five or fifty cents, some, even less than twenty-five cents!! Did I mention I LOVE old books? Can't wait to start reading one of them!

I kept Jakob for about an hour or hour and a half this afternoon. He and I had a great time playing in the floor with his toys, playing the piano, and just laughing. He's so cute. He never fussed or looked for mom or dad once!! He loves his "grammy"!!! And I love him.

Morgan came home later this afternoon, stayed for a little while, finished mowing the back yard, did a few other chores, then, took a shower and left again. :( I rarely get to see her any more. Please pray for her, she's having a rough day.

I'm going to T-town tomorrow to visit with my buddies tomorrow. Can't wait to see them!! We haven't had a chance to visit in quite some time. The weekends just go by way too fast!! I can't wait for summer!!

What a day! Thank you, Lord, for giving me another day. Thank you for everything You do. Even the unexpected text or phone call here and there gives me a pick-me-up. Thank you, Lord.

God is good. All the time.

Had an awesome day with Morgan yesterday!! We needed a mother/daughter day, and road trip, all rolled into one. We got to visit a lot, shop for beads, displays, etc., then, went to see aunt Retha, uncle Jim, and Kaibree. It was rainy, drizzly, and freezing cold, but, we still had a blast! Got home and looked at all of our spoils, then, Morgan went to bed. A good day!! :)

?????? Why does life have to be so stinkin' crazy, difficult, and heart-breaking? I just don't get it. I will never understand some people's reasoning. I give up.

Somewhere with you...Kenny Chesney

Thank you, Lord! You heard my cries. You answered my plea. My God is an awesome God!!! Today was a great day. Even though I had to endure yet another workshop, it turned out to be a pretty great day. Yesterday was actually pretty good, too. You knew just what I needed to cheer me up. Thank you, Lord.

I'm just praying that my students had an equally wonderful day today, without me! Praying that they were very well behaved. I always hate having to be away from them.

I lost five pounds this week!! Jake, Amanda, and I have been on a new diet for a week now!! Amanda lost 14.6 pounds; Jake lost 9.9 pounds, and I lost FIVE pounds in one week!! So excited!! My goal is to lose about 25-30 more, THEN, go skydiving!! Hopefully, I'll meet my goal by summer, go skydiving, and maybe take a vacation near an awesome, sandy beach....I can dream, can't I?

Again, Thank you, Lord, what a wonderful surprise!! Why should I be so surprised? You always know exactly what I need.

God is good. ALL the time.
:)

Thanks, I needed that.

Why does Spring Break always fly by like the wind in March? I've been extremely busy every day of my break. My dad has been in the hospital, but, is out now. Please pray for him. I'm going to church with him tomorrow.

Must find new wallpaper for my blog....Snowmen, I'm going to miss you. I love you, but, must let you go for awhile, before you melt. You've been good and faithful to me. More spring-like wallpaper coming soon...

BUSY...

Busy is good. Busy keeps me alive. Busy keeps my mind off of the bumps in life. The past week was extremely busy. Saturday and Sunday (today) were both extremely busy! I spent the night in T-town Friday night, then, did three massages in Tulsa Saturday. Afterwards, I went to lunch with two of my very best friends. Had a great time. I missed them. It does the heart good to spend time with some of my oldest, dearest friends.

Today, I spent the day with my sweet daughter-in-law and the cutest grandbaby EVER!! We had a great day shopping for bargains!! Who knew shopping for groceries could be so much fun?!?! Poor baby Jakob, I'm certain we wore him out, but, he was such a good sport!!

Life is crazy. Life is flying by. So many decisions to make in the next few weeks. Please Life, slow down just a bit. I need more time. Where do I go from here? I need to stay, but, I want to go. Far, far away. I would just like to run as fast as I could today, if only I could. Would being alone a thousand miles away from here be any better than being alone here? Who knows?

The Dime

Right now, I'm hating you, Dime. Danged 'ol dime.

Sometimes I love you. You are welcomed with open arms. I wake up with anticipation of what you will bring to me. You bring new beginnings, new hope, new life, new love. I love those dimes. Don't we all? Those are the dimes that make life worth living. I'll have to admit, I've had my share of those dimes. God has been good and generous with those dimes. And I thank you, Lord, for the abundance of those dimes that You've blessed me with over the years.

Right now, I'm not your best friend, Dime. Apparently, you've turned on me, again. And I probably do deserve it. But, I don't have to like it, or you. In fact, right now, I don't like you at all. You and your friend, Life. Oh, the tricks you play. Oh, I know, it's "for my own good." The struggles make us stronger, right? Well, I should be REALLY strong by now, so, could you PLEASE let up, even just a little? And Lord, I thank you, even for the struggles. I know there is a reason for the struggles. I know that You know best. But, why does the best have to hurt so very, very badly?

Dime. Life. What is it they say about you two?

Ah, yes....

"Life can turn on a dime..."

Nasty 'ol dime. How I hate thee right now...

Dear Lord,

You promised You wouldn't give me more than I could handle.
You promised.
I'm done.
I'm just done.
I can't handle any more.
Please help.
This is all just too much.
I'm sorry.
I don't have another ounce of strong left in my body or my soul.
Please hear me, Lord.
Please.

Your loving daughter,
me

Prayers for my dad, please. He's not doing well at all. Today was not a good day.

"You may have fallen down, but, don't STAY down. Get back up..."

I'm trying. I'm trying really hard to get back up. It's taking me longer than I'd expected, but, I am getting there. Sometimes people say things without even realizing what they've told you. Sometimes you get answers in the silence. Sometimes, no, most of the time, I can read between the lines.

I've been watching Joel Osteen a lot lately. It's amazing how everything he says seems to fit, perfectly. What a way to look at life. I LOVE listening to him.

God is an amazing God. He is good. ALWAYS.

Why?

Oh, CRUD!!!! I forgot to turn in my letter of intent!!! Today was the deadline!!! I think, or is it next Friday??? (must check on that Tuesday!) Darn, guess I'll have to go to Alaska now!!! or Texas? or Australia? Somewhere, anywhere....I seriously think Alaska is sounding pretty good though. I don't think I've ever lived anywhere as long as I've lived here. In my whole life. I'm a nomad, or is it "nomad-ess"? Ha!! Got the itch to move. Soon. Maybe I just need to take a road trip. Maybe the cabin fever from all the snow last week and the week before is JUST NOW catching up with me!! I just want to go. I want to walk, drive, fly, or cruise. I don't care, I just want to go. Get the heck out of Dodge. But, I can't. At least not until Spring Break or the end of May. Maybe not even then, who knows? I just want to run, well, maybe not run....drive. Get in my truck and just drive, forever.

TGIF!!!!! I'm SO glad the world's longest week is over!!!! After being out for most of the last two weeks for snow, this week seemed to drag on forever.
Did the workshop thing yesterday, then, got a wonderful massage. Have missed my weekly massage the last two or three weeks. I slept REALLY well last night. It was SO hard to get up and go to work this morning. Now, exactly three weeks until Spring Break!!! Yay!!

I found a gift certificate to Two Sisters in my mailbox at school today. I thought everyone received one, however, it turns out I won a door prize!! On Wednesday, the Parent Support Group fed us a wonderful lasagna/salad meal, and I won one of the door prizes that they gave out!! Can't wait to go use my certificate!!

Hump day! I think I might be able to survive the rest of the week now. Only two more days. Tomorrow, I go to ANOTHER workshop, then, yet another on Monday. I'm so ready to be done with all the workshops scheduled for this year. I'd much rather be in class, with my kiddos.

Counting the days until Spring Break!! Can't wait!!

God is good.

Normally, they give us until April 10th to decide if we are returning to teach the following year. This year, we have to let them know by this Friday, or at least sign the letter of intent. What's up with that? I don't understand why they're making us decide so early this year. I need more time to decide. Seriously thinking about moving to Alaska. Why not? I need to get back on the website and finish the application I started and just see where it takes me. Fairbanks has already e-mailed me (even though the application is only partially completed), and notified me of the interviews/job fair in March. The application stays online for 25 or 30(?) days, and anyone in the school system in Alaska is able to view it. I can even do my interview by Skype, instead of having to go in person.

What to do? What to do?? Some days, I just want to run away.

Thanks, and Happy Valentine's Day to you too.

For some reason the following keeps popping up in my path, in various places:

"When the time was right,
the sea parted,
the walls fell down,
the lions went hungry,
the sun stood still,
the waves were calm,
the stone was rolled away,
the clouds were parted,
the Lord ascended...
And when the time is right,
the King of Kings will return.

God is never early and He's never late --
He's always right on time and His plan for you is good."

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the Lord, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jeremiah 29:11 NIV

I can't count how many times I've encountered these words in the last few months. I guess God is trying to tell me something. What a comfort this verse has been to me over and over the last several months. What is really ironic is that this verse was the verse chosen by Morgan's Senior class as their verse.

On a different note, while in B'ville, a young girl ran up to me, in the store, and gave me a hug. She was one of my middle school students that just moved away right after Christmas. She was absolutely one of my favorites. She was a very, very sweet girl, who had the most infectious laughter. Every day she laughed and always had a smile, such a happy kiddo. Yet, I learned later that this was one of many homeless children in our building. I would've taken her home in a heartbeat. She was just one of those good, good kids that you couldn't help but love to pieces. God knew I needed a hug today, and He sent an angel to give me a great big 'ol hug. Thank you, Lord. I love you. Please take care of that precious little angel, watch over her, and make sure she has a warm home, food, and warm clothes.

God is good.

48 degrees for the high today in B'ville. What a difference a day makes!! 70 degrees difference from yesterday!! Felt nice outside today. I got a huge portion of my driveway shoveled this morning. My dad came over and tried to help me, with me begging him to stop. I'm so scared he's going to overdo it and pass out or have another stroke or seizure. I finally convinced him that I wasn't going anywhere and that I was stopping. After he drove off, I finished up as much as I could do for today. I'm so tired of shoveling snow.

I went to B'ville later with Jake, Amanda, and the baby. We went to eat at one of the Chinese restaurants. Then, we went to the store and bought a few supplies. We had a good time. It was good to get out of the house.

I guess the cabin fever finally hit today. Not having such a good day, but, actually, I don't really think it's related to being stuck inside. That really hasn't bothered me. I'm a homebody, I guess. Just not doing too great today.

Morgan is coming home later tonight. She's been gone since last Sunday.

:(

What a day!! Woke up to NO electricity at 7 a.m., this morning, and -31 degree temperatures!! A record low for the state, EVER. Bartlesville was -28 degrees. The whole town was out of electricity. Amanda and the baby had spent the last two nights with me. Jake had to stay in Tulsa the last two nights for work again. After we ate breakfast, we decided to go over to Jake and Amanda's house. They have a gas cook stove, so Amanda said she'd go over and shut off the living room and kitchen doorways, and turn the heat on. We bundled Jakob up and I kept him here until she got everything ready. We went over and it was so nice, warm, and toasty!! Thank goodness for gas stoves!! What a difference. It was less than 40 degrees inside my house, probably lower, actually.

We finally got electricity restored around noon. I went back to my house to find that I had no water!! I had left all of my faucets running, yet, I still had no water!! I was sure hoping my pipes hadn't frozen!! Some of my friend's pipes froze when we had -18 last week. Thankfully, a couple of hours later, my water came back on.

Jake was planning on coming home this evening, so, his driveway needed to be shoveled again, so he could pull into it. I went out and shoveled almost all the way to the road, then, Amanda came out and shoveled the huge piles of snow the grader had pushed up to the driveway, at least a couple of feet deep. We worked hard. Yesterday, I shoveled a path between my house and Jake's. That's a calorie burner, for sure!! Whew!! Hmmm....seems like just the other day, we did this. This last snow filled in all of our paths from last week!! Snow, on top of MORE snow! It was good to get out and get some much needed exercise after being stuck inside the last couple of weeks.

Hoping our electricity and water stays on. That's no fun.

God is good.

Thank you, thank you, thank you!!

Lots of paperwork to do at school again today, of course, there always is, but, even more today, for some reason. The day flew by again!!

I made it home before the snow!! So glad!! I loaded up clothes, toiletries, food, etc., just in case I ended up staying all night with my friend. I came on home as soon as school was out. It was SO cold, I think I shook halfway home. I unloaded all of my supplies out of the truck, sat down for a few minutes, then, texted Amanda to see if she needed any help with the baby. She said yes, so, I went over when Jakob woke up, and fed him while she did a few things she needed to do.

I'm REALLY hoping we get enough snow to call off school!! Several schools have already cancelled, even before the snow has started. We still have tons of snow on the ground from last weeks snow!! I actually have drifts that are still at least a foot or two deep!! Come on snow!!! :)

God is good.

It had been a full week since I'd left the house. I attempted to back out of my driveway this morning and almost got stuck in the ice and snow. Messy, messy, messy. The day went by quickly at school, so much to do, so much paperwork, getting prepared for possible days out due to more snow coming, just tons of work. It just flew by, way too fast.

Errands to run after school, done quickly, then, home to shovel my driveway. I decided I didn't want another episode like this morning. I shoveled quite a bit, then, decided to back my truck in, hopefully, making it easier to get out of the driveway in the morning. Oops!! Unfortunately, I got the truck stuck!! Ugh!! Had to dig out with the snow shovel. Finally, got the truck unstuck and finished shoveling enough (I hope!) to get out in the morning without getting stuck.

Got mail today, for the first time in a week!! Yay!

Ugh...can this school year go any slower? Yes, today went fast, but, I have a feeling the rest of the year is going to drag by like molasses in the winter time...

I miss my mom. This house is so big and so lonely. I think I'll move. Far, far away. Alaska, Texas, Australia, anywhere but here. I just need to go. Maybe that will help, I don't know?

I need to pack. Supposed to snow tomorrow, so, I may have to spend a night or two in B'ville. I'm going to be prepared, just in case. I'd rather be at home though, but, a very sweet friend has offered to let me stay at her house if it gets too icy.

Watched the Super Bowl with Jake, Amanda, and Jakob. Good food, lots of baby snuggles and kisses, awesome night! Morgan went to watch the Super Bowl with her boyfriend.

I go back to school tomorrow. Boy, did I get spoiled, being off for four out of five days last week!! Paper work, here I come!!! Ugh....

"Picture perfect memories, scattered all around the floor.
Reaching for the phone cause, I can't fight it any more.
And I wonder if I ever cross your mind.
For me it happens all the time." Lady Antebellum

Oh, and DITTO! :)

Jake, Amanda, and Jakob came over earlier today. They said that Jakob had said "Grammy"!! So, they brought him over to see me!!! We played in the floor like we always do, then, he started getting tired and sleepy, so they took him home to let him take a nap. Then, they came over and had supper with us later this evening. I made two different quiches, and an ooey, gooey, apple pie/tart thing. Amanda brought some Salisbury steak, potatoes, and green beans over. We had potluck!! It was all good!! I'm stuffed to the gills.

Morgan is getting sick again. She did not take her antibiotics to Raelann and Adrean's house, so, being stuck there all week, did not take those meds., so, is now feeling sick again. She took all of her heart meds., but, forgot the antibiotics. She has not been well long enough to get her flu shot!! If she ever gets over this, we HAVE to go get flu shots, asap!!!

Did not get to check my e-mail until late tonight, but, was glad to hear from an old friend.

Snow day numero cuatro!! :) Another good day. Morgan finally got to come home later this evening. I got out and helped her shovel some of the driveway, so she could pull onto it. Ugh!! That's hard work!! Definitely good exercise!

Jake went back to work today. Then, this afternoon, it started snowing again! It took him two and a half hours to get home from Tulsa. It's normally an hour from downtown, I think, from where he works to his front door. It's scary, waiting on the kids to make it home safely. But, they both made it, thank the Lord.

I feel really bad saying this because most everyone else is going stir crazy being stuck inside during the snows aftermath, but, I am thoroughly enjoying the days off!! I still LOVE my snow days!!! I haven't gotten bored once!! I still have plenty to do to keep me busy!! I can always clean and organize the house, do laundry, read, or watch a movie. I don't understand how people can get bored. There's always something to do.

Praying for a good friend who had a very serious surgery today.

God is good.

Third snow day! Another one tomorrow! I got out and shoveled off my porch, a path to Jake's house, Jake's porch, and the end of the driveway, so, he could pull up into his driveway. Someone made a couple of rounds last night and bladed the road in front of my house, which pushed up a huge pile of snow in front of the driveways. I was afraid Jake wouldn't even be able to pull up over it when he got home. He, Amanda, and the baby were able to make it home from Tulsa today. I was very worried about their drive home, but, they made it home safely. Thank you, Lord. Now, to get Morgan home! She's going to try to get home tomorrow. I think the roads will be a little bit better tomorrow, or at least I hope so. Jake said the highways were not bad, just the city streets and on/off ramps.

Amanda requested some of my homemade chicken noodle soup, so, they came over and had some for supper this evening. I got to play with Jakob for awhile! It's been a good day. Loving my snow days!!

Been alone since Monday evening. I mean ALL alone. Lots of time to think. I thought it would be hard to be alone. I was pretty upset when I found out I would be all alone, on Monday night. However, it's been very quiet, peaceful, and actually quite nice. I still miss my kids. But, turning off all of the alarms has been so nice, and I actually slept in today. Yesterday, I woke up at 4:30, but, today, I actually slept in until about 8:30 or 9:00ish.

I'm enjoying my snow days. Tomorrow is another snow day. I suspect Friday will be, as well. I needed these days off. I was ready for a breather. Thank you, Lord, for the beautiful snow.

God is good.

Another snow day!!! Yippeeee!!! Finally got to get out in it today! Went out to feed and water the dogs, took a few pictures, stayed out for just a few minutes. Brrrrr....it is cold out there!!! But, oh, so pretty!! I love it!!!

My dad is doing better today. No more seizures during the night or anything else. Maybe the additional anti-seizure meds. will help. I hope and pray they do. They will probably spend at least one more night at the hospital.

Enjoying my snow day, even though I'm all alone. Miss my kids though. Would be much more fun if they were here. Taking a few pictures of the snow as it gets deeper and deeper!! There are drifts that are as high as two or three feet high!! Snow is so high up on both my front and back doors, I can barely open them.

Getting ready to do some cleaning, organizing, and maybe a little baking. Looks like I might have a few days to get a lot of chores done! Just praying that none of us lose any power. Praying for those who are having to work outside in these conditions.

After I get my chores all done, I may just have to break out the 'ol paint brushes and do some painting, or get out the sewing machine and make some more corn pillows! I'm feeling a wee bit crafty today!!

On my way to school this morning, my step-mom called me and said that my dad had a bad seizure last night. He's in the hospital, but, we think he'll be able to come home tomorrow evening. He's doing pretty good, and can talk better than he was this morning, according to my step-mom. I went to visit with him for a couple of hours as soon as I got out of my workshop today. I was so hoping that he was going to be okay since the new medicine seemed to be working. He's had a couple of really good months up until now. They will now add another new anti-seizure medication. Hopefully, there will be no bad side-effects like the first medication. Please pray for my dad. I don't want anything else to happen to him.

School has already been called off tomorrow for the impending "Snowmageddon" storm. I normally LOVE my snow days, but, I'm actually, kinda sad this time. Morgan is spending the week at Raelann and Adrean's. Jake and Amanda are stranded in Tulsa. Amanda rode to work with Jake, so she could go buy their groceries today. Jake's boss told him to stay in Tulsa tonight, because they were going to need him there the next few days. His boss is putting them up in a hotel, right next to his workplace, feeding them, etc., for the next few days. They didn't take clothes or anything, so, they had to go buy clothes for Jake to work in, food for the baby, diapers, etc. They had just planned on coming home as soon as Jake got off work.

Normally, when we have snow and ice, we often lose electric service. My dad comes over, hooks up my generator, checks on me and Morgan, and we do just fine. But, this time, of course, he's in the hospital, and they may end up staying there if it's bad by tomorrow evening. So, I won't see my kids, my dad, or anyone. It's going to be pretty lonesome. A snow day, with nobody to share it with. Sucks to be me. Praying that nobody loses electricity.

Oh, and by the way, thanks for the call. I needed that. A nice surprise.

"Don't walk in front of me; don't walk behind me; walk beside me."

"Dream a little dream."

"Live each day as if it were your last."

Yet another workshop tomorrow and Friday. Snore. Counting the days until Spring Break....29 school days!!!!...March 12-20th!!! Can't wait!!

The last two days were sunny and beautiful!! Can't believe that there is a winter weather storm watch for this coming week!! I'm so excited about having a couple of snow days!! Yippeeeeeee!!! :)

Okay. Breathe. I feel much better now. I got it. Two good bits of news. :) I just now saw it. Sunday morning.

"We have a finite amount of time. Whether short or long, it doesn’t matter. Life is to be lived." ~Randy Pausch

It's so pretty outside!! It's almost like an early Spring day! The sun is shining, slight breeze, perfect weather.

Started off my day giving an early morning massage, then, came home and called Amanda to see if she needed me to help with Jakob, while she got ready for her family coming up. She said, "yes," so I went on over, gave Jakob a bath, then, sat in the floor and played with him while his mom got some last minutes things done. He's learning so many new things! He's just too smart and too cute!!! Love him, love him, love him!! Smooches to you, Jakob!! Grammy loves you, bunches! :)

One more day. Friday. I'm wishing my life away. Waiting for Friday. This has been the longest week, EVER!!! Why is it just dragging by so slowly??? 31 days until Spring Break; 79 days until school is out. Then, what?

It has been a pretty good week at school. For the most part, the kids have been good. We are writing essays, and a couple of my students have really surprised me. I'm excited to finish them up tomorrow. Our first essay of the year, with many, many more to go!! Lots of writing practice ahead!!

Received a much needed massage today. Thank you, my friend. Now, I just want to go to sleep. So, very relaxed...

I talked to my dad today. He seems to be doing pretty good. It's good to hear him laugh.

Made it through another day. One day at a time. One hour, one moment. All in all, a fairly good day. It went by quickly, stayed busy.

I ate supper with Jake, Amanda, and Jakob. Jakob now has two teeth!! He's getting bigger by the minute! So cute!!

I'm doing somewhat better. Still empty though. Sometimes I just want to run far, far away. Still considering Alaska...have to decide something before April 10th...

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..."

Not a bad Monday at all. I'm not particularly fond of Mondays, usually. But, today went by quickly, no incidents to report!! Thank you, Lord, all my classes went smoothly today! I have duty this week, so, I have to get up a little extra early to make sure I'm there a little earlier than usual.

Morgan is still pretty sick. FIVE prescriptions, since Friday, and still not feeling well. She did go back to school today though. I guess I had better go make her some potato soup and have it ready for her by the time she gets home!

"Dance like no one is watching;
Love like you'll never get hurt;
Sing like no one is listening;
Live like it's Heaven on Earth."

Encouragement often comes from the most unlikely and surprising sources. Two phone calls, with two different people, in two days, both gave me lots of sound (and sometimes, WACKY) advice, but, more importantly, lots of much needed laughter. An old friend called on Friday night and talked for almost three hours, consoling and lifting me up, yet, at the same time, making me laugh uncontrollably amidst the tears. This friend convinced me that I WOULD indeed be alright, and that I WOULD make it. Somehow, I'm starting to believe that, after our lengthy conversation. Haven't talked to this friend in months, and it was a good "pick-me-up", however, pretty bizarre, funny, crazy, and sweet, at the same time! Like I said, a very unlikely source of encouragement.

The second phone call was me calling a very sweet cousin, who is going through pretty much the same thing as I am. I felt like she was having a bad day, so, I called to try to offer HER some encouragement. However, it backfired, and she ended up giving ME encouragement. Always the one thinking of others, she had me rolling in laughter, as well. We laughed, cried, talked, etc., until we both got sleepy, and decided to call it a day. She is SUCH a good person and deserves to be happy. I pray that she soon finds what will make her heart soar with happiness. I wish we lived closer to each other, so we could spend more time together.

God is good, and God has a sense of humor. BOY, does He EVER?!?!

Good night, Moon.

:)

"Every hour I need thee, bless me now, my Saviour, I come to thee, I need thee, oh, I need thee,..." as sung by Randy Owens...beautiful song.

Had a wonderful day visiting with my daughter-in-law, Amanda. We made our trip to Claremore, got our haircuts, ate lunch, and did some antique shop hopping...well, one store anyway! What a neat store!! Found a little treasure, and lots of memories were brought back to life while visiting this quaint little shop. It was also a little coffee/latte/cappaccino spot, as well!!

Then, on to buy a few groceries and get our free Route 66 (haha! Sorry, Amanda!)before heading home. We decided to forego the movie. Not only were we both stuffed from our very good lunch, and afraid we'd fall asleep in the movie, I think we were both a little worried about baby Jakob and Jake, being on their own. Jakob is very attached to his sweet momma, and the thought of him crying for his momma, just kills me. I don't think either one of us wanted him to get to that point. Jake does a great job with Jakob, but, he misses his momma when she is out of sight. He's so sweet; such a precious baby boy!!

Had just a great, great day!!

God is good.

On the agenda for today: a short road trip to Claremore, a haircut, and possibly a movie, with my daughter-in-law, Amanda, and my friend June, from Tulsa!!! I need a day out so badly!!

Got up early and made ham and cheese omelets, toast, and coffee, for Morgan and I. She was already awake at 6:30 a.m. She slept so much yesterday, plus, took some of her new meds., including cough syrup with codeine, so, she slept, hopefully most of the night. She has the craziest sleeping patterns, or should I say lack of sleeping patterns. She has a really hard time sleeping at night. When she went to the doctor yesterday, he prescribed FIVE new medications (on top of the 9-10 that she already takes for heart and migraine issues)! But, most of these are temporary meds.(I hope) to get her through this stomach thing. He's thinking that she either has an inflamed "food pipe"(yes, that's what the good M.D. called it) or quite possibly an ulcer! I wouldn't be surprised, after her very stressful first semester of college, last fall. I'm hoping she feels better soon, so she doesn't miss any more classes, and doesn't get behind. She only missed three classes yesterday, however, that's a LOT of info to miss out on in college. I think she'll do much better, since she's home now, and hopefully, won't be so homesick, etc.

Well, I had better shut this down and start getting ready for my roadtrip!! I'm excited!! Can't wait!!

God is good.

Had an AWESOME day at school today!! (even though I not-so-secretly was wishing for just one more snow day!!) Lots of students out again today...surprise, surprise!! I'm so bad, I counted the days until Spring Break(35!) and the days until the END of SCHOOL (81!), not that I'm anxious for school to be out or anything....

I really DO love teaching, but, just having a not so great year, this year. Too many things have happened, starting last summer. So much trauma, drama, problems, etc., that I normally don't experience. It's just been a very weird, draining year. I'm hoping things will finally get ironed out and settle down soon, REAL soon. Please and thank you.

My principal came in during my third hour for my observation/evaluation, rather unexpectedly. Ah, the element of surprise. It seems like it's always on a Friday when I am observed. Since we had in-service Monday and a snow day yesterday, my lesson plans were all out of whack, so, I had run off some Survival Skills type worksheets this morning. I thought it would be a nice break and something different from our normal English lesson, a good, Friday, fun assignment. We worked on reading a label from a nutritional supplement, answered six questions about the label, then, read some want ads from a newspaper sample, and answered seven or eight questions about the jobs being advertised. The kids actually seemed to enjoy the activity, a good break from their routine. My principal didn't stay long, maybe ten or fifteen minutes, tops.

Later, on my Plan period, I ran down to copy a couple of writing assignments for next week. As the copier was doing it's job, I checked my mailbox. I was surprised to find a personal, hand-written note in my box. It was from my very sweet (who happens to be a former Special Education teacher) current principal. Here is what she said:

"Ms. Stamper, 1-21-11

I enjoyed visiting your class today. Good idea for the alternative activity with the shortened schedule this week. I appreciate all you do for your students.

Mrs. C. "

Now, we usually just get a computer-generated evaluation, which is pretty generic looking. In twenty-six years of teaching, I don't think I've ever received a hand-written note from a principal, after an observation! A short, sweet note, nothing elaborate, but, I was pretty excited and happy to receive it!! Thank you, Mrs. C, you made my day!! :)

Even better than that is when one of my students does or says something that brightens my day. One of my students put something into my hand as she walked through my door today. I looked down and it was a package of instant hot chocolate. :) I asked, "For me?" She said, "Yes". Of course, I thanked her profusely. Now, what could be better than a small gesture of a package of hot chocolate mix? This same student tried to give me a one dollar bill a week or so ago, along with a thank you note, for something a friend of mine and I had done for her family earlier, something VERY small, but, much appreciated by the family. She told me in the note that she couldn't give me a Christmas gift, but, she wanted me to have the dollar. I pulled her into the hall, thanked her for the sweet thank-you note, but, explained that I could not accept the money, or I could lose my job. I felt really bad, but, just couldn't take a dollar from a child whose family REALLY needed that dollar themselves. So, today, she gave me a gift I could accept. A wonderful little package of hot chocolate. :) How could she possibly have known that I LOVE hot chocolate?!?

Isn't is wonderful how God knows JUST what you need, JUST when you need it(and it doesn't have to be anything great big, sometimes it's the smallest of gestures, that mean the most)?

God is good.

Okay, Lord, please just one more snow day....tomorrow. A four-day weekend would be really great right now. I hate to sound so stingy, but, it really would be great! I so enjoyed my day off today. It came at a really good time. Don't know if I could've done school today, Lord. Thank you for the beautiful snow. I love you. You have perfect timing. You gave us beautiful snow.

Enjoyed spending time with my family today, homemade chicken noodle soup, brownies, pictures in the snow, watching Jakob eat, it's all good stuff, Lord.

Please take care of those traveling these roads, dear Lord. Please, Lord, give me peace. I love you.

God is good.

Okay, I've enjoyed the entire morning of my snow day, being extremely lazy!! Now, I need to get moving and take a shower. Then, I would like to do a little house cleaning, bake some brownies, and make some homemade chicken noodle soup. After that, I just might have to go out and play in the snow. Morgan has already requested that we go out and take pictures! Sounds like fun to me!

SNOW DAY today!!!!! YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Lovin' it!!! :)

It was a very busy, but, great day at school today. A lot of my challenging students were gone today, so I actually got a lot done!! Tried to get everything set up for a substitute, just in case I don't make it to school due to the weather. I'm hoping it's called off due to snow before I head over there, however, if it's not, I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it or not. It was so slippery last time it snowed, I barely made it. I looked for new tires the other day, but, it looks like I may have to order some. I had hoped to get some before the weather got bad, but, it didn't work out. I'm hoping I can at least get two this month, then, maybe a couple more in a month or two. Oh, the joys of a teacher's salary in Oklahoma!!

It's only 8:40 p.m. I'm exhausted, and have a horrible headache. Think I'm going to hit the hay a little earlier than usual tonight. Lots of things swimming around in the 'ol noodle tonight.

Ate supper w/all of my kids tonight. Got to see baby Jakob! He's getting so big, trying hard to crawl and walk!! He just turned seven months old on the seventeenth of this month!! Hard to believe.

Goodnight, moon....

God is good.

Found a web site Sunday night dealing with teaching in Alaska. I actually started filling out an application for employment for the state of Alaska, just for kicks and giggles. Just curious. The directions stated that one could begin filling out the application, stop at any point, save it, then, return later to complete it. As long as it finished within twenty-five days, they will keep it online. Schools from all over Alaska have access to the application once it has been written on, even if it's not complete. I filled out quite a bit of the application, but, need to find one of my old resumes, in order to complete it. I'm just in the "thinking/considering stages of this whole deal. I don't know that I'll follow through with this, (in fact, highly unlikely) but, I've always thought it would be fun to go off to Alaska to teach!!

This evening, I checked my e-mail and guess what I found?!?!? An e-mail from a recruiting officer with the Fairbanks school system, informing me of a job fair, and several open positions!! AWESOME!! The job fair is near the end of March, in Fairbanks. For out-of-town, or out-of-state applicants, I was told that I could interview for the job/s via Skype!! How fun!! They also included their salary schedule and list of benefits. My salary would more than double, benefits are awesome, moving allowance, etc. Hmmmmm....sounds interesting!!!

Like I said, Sunday, just a thought...probably won't happen anytime soon. Need to be here for my dad, my kids, and my grandbaby.

Made spaghetti, Italian sausage, and Italian garlic bread for supper. Last night, I made French onion soup. This cooking for Morgan is getting to be a nightly thing...I almost forgot how to cook while she was off to college!! That kid likes to eat. I could probably survive without cooking but once every week or so. Heck, I don't think I even cooked twice the whole semester Morgan was gone, unless she came home on the weekend. I think we have enough leftovers to last a couple more days, so, no more cooking for a couple of days!

Tomorrow, no massages, so, I get to come home early and rest, take it easy, or clean house and do laundry! Woo-hoo, such exciting options!! Yeah, life is wonderful.

No kiddos at school today, just lots of meetings, staff development, etc. Four more days until the weekend!! Lord, just help me make it through this week.

Love my friend who prayed for me today. I already feel a lot better!

God is good. All the time.

I'm going to do some research on teaching in Alaska. I heard from a teacher friend that a friend of hers went to teach there for a year. They gave her a sign-on bonus, plus, a great deal on her retirement package, plus, of course, an awesome yearly salary. The deal was for just one year to begin with. At the end of her first year, they offered her double what they did on the original retirement package, plus, another stipend/sign-on type deal, AND an increase in her yearly salary. It was too good for her to pass up. There is a shortage of teachers, and I'm sure probably a shortage of Special Education teachers.

I am seriously considering doing something like that. I have until April 10th to decide if I'm going to stay where I'm at. I will be doing some serious research the next few weeks before I make a decision. If I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, I may as well make some good money for retirement and also be able to pay everything off. I only have four truck payments left, then, will be able to concentrate on paying off the rest of my bills. An Alaskan teaching salary might help me to do that really quickly!!

Made a quick trip to McAlester today, to attend the funeral of my cousin's husband. I saw many aunts, uncles, cousins, cousin's children, and cousin's grandchildren. This is the only time I see most of these relatives...when there's a funeral. I was standing next to a cousin, talking to her, when the young husband of a cousin's daughter or granddaughter (don't know which) walked up to us with a very distressed brand new baby. He asked if one of us could hold the baby while he ran to get something. My cousin, said, "Yes, just let me put my stuff down." While she was doing that, I couldn't resist...I took the baby!! :) It was so tiny and so cute. He/she (I don't even know what it was, or WHO it was!!) was crying, lost it's binky, momentarily, then, I replaced it and began talking to him, walking, and gently bouncing him. He immediately stopped crying and went to sleep!! The dad came back, retrieved the baby WAY too soon, and was surprised that he had stopped crying! I was rather happy to help out. Gotta LOVE babies!!

After the funeral, a couple of cousins, their daughters, a niece of one of my cousins, and I went to eat a late lunch at Roseanna's. I wanted to eat Italian, but, not necessarily THAT particular Italian restaurant. Don't get me wrong, the food was wonderful, but, the place has just a couple of sad memories. But, that was temporarily forgotten while visiting with my cousins. We had a very good visit, and actually laughed a lot. The "three musketeers" ride again...love you girls!! We're planning another get-together either in February or March. Should be fun!

I came on home after stopping by Lovera's, in Krebs, for some Italian sausage and some caciocavera cheese!! My favorite cheese!!

Now home, oh, so empty, lonesome home...still so hard.

God is good.

What a wonderful day! Thank you, Lord!! You are too good to us! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Our God is an AWESOME God!!!

Horrible headache. Everything hurts. Going to bed.

A teacher's two favorite words??? SNOW DAY!!! Yes, finally, a snow day!! I'm SO happy, especially after sliding all over the road this morning on my way to school!! I get to sleep in!!!(or at least try to) I LOVE SNOW DAYS!!!

Even though I had to slip/slide all the way to school, I had a pretty good day today! The kids were good. There were a few students absent, which made some of my larger classes very quiet and peaceful!! The day passed very quickly, as we were very busy.

The snow fell off and on all day, but, mostly on! I could just sit and watch it snow all day. I love it! It's just one of the most beautiful things to see, in my opinion. I hope it snows more tonight, so, I can get out and take some pictures!! Amanda took some great pictures of the baby today, out in his wagon, in the snow! His very first snow!! He's such a cutie and has such a wide array of facial expressions, and is very photogenic.

I made enchiladas, Spanish rice, and jalapeno poppers for supper tonight! Now that Morgan is living back at home, I am actually having to cook supper now and then! We have enough leftover for lunch and maybe even supper again tomorrow night. I made deer jerky last night for Jake. He got a deer when he went hunting at his dad's place. Next weekend, I'll make more deer jerky for Morgan with her deer meat.

Morgan went to her new school today, for her first day of Spring semester classes. She has someone to carpool with, which will help, however, that may not work, since she had to change her schedule. The boy that's carpooling with her will have to go an hour early and stay an hour late, because of Morgan's schedule, so, he may not want to wait around on her. I hope it works out, though. I'll feel much better knowing someone is with her while making that trip. I hope this works out for her, but, I think she will probably like it, because she ran into several people that she knows while there today.

All in all, a very busy, but good day!!

Thank you, Lord.

Okay, I'm ready for a snow day!! Don't know if it'll happen tomorrow, but, Tuesday would definitely do. I have a workshop to go to Tuesday, and it would be quite alright if I had to miss it!!! :) It's so hard to sit all day at these workshops. I'd much rather be in my classroom with my kids!!! I've already missed so many days going to workshops, it's not even funny.

Had a great weekend, just went by way too fast, as usual. Got to spend lots of time with baby Jakob!! He's so sweet and growing up so fast!

Morgan starts school tomorrow! I want a snow day, but, I'd rather it not snow with her having to drive over the Oolagah dam. However, she did have someone offer to carpool with her, so, that will help, and I'll feel better that she's not driving by herself!! Pretty scary driving over that dam when it's dry and clear, so, I can wait on a snow day.

God is good.

Came home today ready to go straight to bed. I'm so tired. However, Morgan reminded me that it was Basketball Homecoming. My nephew, Dallas, was one of the escorts, and he was, in fact, escorting one of Morgan's best friends, Kelsey. So, I definitely had to go! I met Morgan there and sat with her, Granny Maggie, Ashley, Ben, and Tammie. Got to see several people I hadn't seen in awhile. We just stayed for Homecoming, and to take pictures, then, came on home. I will have to go and watch Dallas play soon, since this is his Senior year. I just couldn't stay tonight though. I'm just ready to go to bed. I have three massages tomorrow, so, this will be short and sweet. I have two early morning massages, then, one at 3:00 p.m.

Morgan got enrolled at her new college today, so, I'm hoping everything goes well for her, this semester. She seems excited about a new beginning. Maybe being closer to home will help her out. I hope so. I can't stand to see her unhappy, upset, and homesick. I just worry about her driving back and forth.

Ahhhh...it's Thursday. One more day. I got my massage today for the first time in a few weeks. One of us has been sick the last two or three weeks, or just behind on holiday chores, so, we've missed a few massages. I'm very sleepy now & getting ready to hit the hay. Just hoping I don't wake up at 1:30 or 2:00 like I did last night, wide awake! Ugh... I hate it when I do that! I haven't done that in awhile.

Yay!! I made it through another day!! No tears today! I can do this. I can do this. I can do this, WITH God's help!!! Thank you, Lord. Thank YOU for the good stuff! Those little things that help me make it through the day,...that's the good stuff...an e-mail; a text from my new friend-the interpreter for my deaf student, telling me what a good teacher I am, (what an unexpected, sweet surprise!) made me cry and smile at the same time; a massage; a visit from baby Jakob (who happens to be the cutest baby & has the sweetest smile on the planet!); a feeling of a small amount of peace...good stuff.

God is good.