A little sad tonight.  So many changes coming at me, so quickly.  My dad is very ill.  He just finished up his radiation and chemo.  I stayed with him last night while my step-mom got out of the house for a few hours.  He has lost SO much weight.  I don't want to lose my daddy. I'm still not ready.

Morgan rarely comes home.  She's very busy with school these days.  She stayed in Stillwater this weekend.  Easter weekend.

Jake, Amanda, and the baby will be moving soon.  It will only be thirty minutes away, but, will seem like halfway across the world.  I will miss that baby boy terribly.  I already do.  I will miss so much.  Each new word.  Each new tooth.  Everything.  They are gone this weekend, as well.  Easter weekend.

I'm so very selfish.  I want my kids for EVERY holiday.  I want them here all the time.  I miss them all.  I know they're grown.  They all have their own lives.  Funny thing, when they get to a certain age, very young age, in fact, they actually DO have their own lives.  As parents, that IS our goal...for them to be independent and able to take care of themselves, be successful, etc.  But, it's so hard to cut those apron strings.  It hurts like hell.  I want them to be independent and they are.  They are good kids.  I'm so very proud of them.  But, dang it, it's so hard to not have them here under my wings all the time.  I miss them terribly. 

Everyone is leaving me.  Geez, I hate pity parties.  I hate whiners, and that's exactly what I'm doing right now.

I need chocolate.  So tempted to make a huge ooey, gooey, chocolate cake.  But, I won't. 

Why do I always lose everyone?  I've always thought of myself as a loner.  Now that I practically AM one, I don't think I like it.  Not one bit.

On a different note, I did have a very productive day yesterday on my day off for Good Friday.  I finished the mowing that Jake and I had started on Thursday evening, then, I worked on my flower bed and got most of the weeds pulled, the leaves raked out and bagged up, and the soil broken up a bit.  I just need to buy some new plants to add to what I've already got from last year.  My azaleas survived from last year and actually have some blooms!  My hostas are looking gorgeous, and the daffodils are making great progress.  I want to get some sweet potato vines and maybe some more hostas.  My whiskey barrel planters are full of  whatever I planted in them last year.  I can't remember the name of the flower at the moment, but, there are hundreds of tiny purple blooms and the plant is spreading over to the edges of the barrel.  Baby Jakob enjoyed helping me while I was pulling weeds and raking the leaves out of the flower beds.  He had his bucket and little plastic trowel, but was more interested in using my rake, and other "big" implements.  At one point my nose met the handle of the rake he was using!  OUCH!  He also kept digging little shovels full of dirt and dumping them on the sidewalk.  He was helping his "GeeGee".  :)

Today, I went for a "hot oil pedicure" at my friend Tami's house/place of business.  She is having a special this month and the above mentioned pedicure is only $10.00 (my toes are now neon pink, by the way)!  When I left her house it was just beginning to rain pretty good.  By the time I got back to my house, only a few blocks away, it was POURING down, bucketfulls!!!  From my truck to my front door, just six to eight feet away, I got soaked.  Crazy good rain.  Loved it.  My electricity went off several times, because of the thunderstorms. 

Finally, it slacked up long enough for me to feed the horses this afternoon, about 4:00.  Charlie is not letting Brock eat, so, we have to separate them while they eat.  A guy came out yesterday and trimmed their hooves, and he told us to put a couple of bricks in Charlie's feed trough, and that would slow him down.  Awesome tip.  Let's hope it works.  Poor Brock.

Since we didn't use any of our snow days this year, we get to take Good Friday off.  So, next week, we only have four days of school!  Then, during the month of May, we have EVERY Friday off.  Three day weekends all month!  Personally, I'd rather just take off five days at the end of our school year, but, I'll take three day weekends if that's our only choice!  Either way, it's all good!  Therefore, I only have thirty-six school days left, if my calculations are correct.  I can't believe the school year is almost over.

I'm so ready.  Ready for something new.  Ready for a new beginning.  Ready to do something different.  Go somewhere different.  Ever want to just run away?  I do.  But I can't.  I've lived here twelve years.  I just realized that's the longest I've ever lived any where in my entire life. 

As a child, we moved around a lot.  My dad was a lineman.  I remember living in Bakersfield, Placerville, and Fresno, California; Yerington, Nevada; and many other places I don't remember as a baby.  We moved with the job.  Many memories, many experiences.  But, Oklahoma was always home, where we always returned eventually.  Maybe this is why I've always loved road trips.  Who knows? 

I'm getting the itch to move.  I had it last year.  Thought about moving to Alaska to teach.  I did the online application thing.  Got a few e-mails and invites to interview in Fairbanks, the Bering Strait(brrr) and Anchorage.  Very tempting.  I did listen to an online video chat about what all teaching in Alaska entails.  It was very interesting.  Teachers from the lower 48  are only able to take their clothes, basically.  No vehicle, no furnishings.  They provide fully furnished apartments for the teachers to rent.  When arriving in Anchorage, new teachers are to order their groceries for, I think, a six month supply, then, it is shipped to the city or village where you will be teaching.  The culture is completely different.  I think it would just be so awesome to experience a different environment, culture, etc., and the salary is not half bad either!  My salary would double. I know, everyone says the cost of living is so much higher, but, what would I really need besides food and maybe some warmer clothes?  I need/want very little.  I think I could even do without a television, as long as I have plenty of books and some music to listen to. 

It all sounded great and exciting, however, I reconsidered and have put it on hold for now, because of my dad's health and the fact that my youngest is still in college.  I couldn't get home soon enough if anything happened to either of them.    Morgan usually has to have surgery on an average of about every three to four years, and it's usually a pretty short term notice.  I need to stick pretty close to her; I wouldn't want to be half a world away from her if that happened.

Miss you.  Like crazy. 

Morgan left yesterday, headed back to her dorm room.  I guess Mom is too boring to live with for a few more days??  She said she needed to study and knew she wouldn't study if she stayed here.  True.  I suggested she study two or three times, but instead she chose to catch up on her favorite shows on Netflix.  Four days together.  That has to be a record.  We love each other to pieces but, don't usually get along more than a couple of days in the same house together.  We're both pretty stubborn.   She's nineteen.  Everyone keeps telling me we'll eventually get along great.  I'm ready for that day to happen.  Please, Lord, let me live long enough for that to happen.  :) 

It's awfully quiet in this big 'ol house now.  Funny how when she leaves, I get a little depressed, sad, and anxious.  I worry about her taking her meds.; I worry about her getting sick or her defibrillator going off as she's driving down the highway;  I worry about her making it from point A to point B, alive.  I worry way too much.  I always tell her "call me when you get there".  She almost always forgets.  Then I call or text her to make sure she made it.  I know God is taking care of her and always has.

I wish I could say "it gets better the older they get".  It doesn't.  I still worry about my twenty-nine year old that lives right next door.  He drives an hour one way to work.  While I'm getting ready in the morning, I have the Tulsa news on the television.  I listen to the traffic reports as I'm getting ready.  If I hear of an accident any where along his route, I have to text him to make sure he's made it to work alright.  He always does.  I know this probably annoys the living daylights out of both of my kids.  I just can't turn it off though.  I remember my mom did the same with me.  Every Sunday, as I was leaving to go back to college, she would say, "Call me when you get there, so I'll know you made it okay."  I would say, "Okay, Mom, I will."  Did I remember 100% of the time?  No.  Hardly ever, in fact.  She would end up calling me, and I would feel so bad that I had forgotten. 

Three more days of Spring Break.  Ugh...it went by WAY too quickly.  :(   I'm going to Tulsa this afternoon, meeting friends for a birthday celebration, not mine....my friend I've known since 7th grade.  Another friend, I've known since 9th grade will be there, then, a couple others.  I will stay all night with June Bug, the birthday girl, then, get up early in the morning and go see the much awaited movie "The Hunger Games", with my son, daughter-in-law, and grandbaby, at 10:00 in the morning.  Then, I will drive to Stillwater, pick Morgan up, then head to OKC, to go to the Bead Show!!  Morgan needs to make me an OSU necklace, so I'm going to buy some black and orange beads!!  Of all the necklaces she's made, I only have two or three, mostly turquoise, and no OSU necklaces. 

Then, I'm driving home Saturday evening after the Bead Show, and rest on Sunday, before going back to school. 

I haven't seen my dad all week.  I didn't want to chance passing the flu on to him.  I have called to check on him and talk to him though.  Miss him. 

Enjoying spending time with Morgan.  Even though she's sick, which I hate, we are enjoying each other's company.  I've cooked more in the last two days, than I normally cook in a week!!  However, we're about to decide other than the chicken noodle soup, she probably needs to stick to clear liquids for another day or two.  She's still a bit nauseous after she eats.  Fever is better though.  Almost back down to where it should be.  Thank you, Lord.

We did find out today that she has Type A flu, or H1N1, more commonly known as the "swine flu".  Hmmm....she just finished up working/volunteering at OYE, the world's largest youth livestock show, right here in Oklahoma.  Guess what she worked with?  Swine.  Coincidence??  I must do research. 

I talked to my Dad today on the phone.  I had planned on visiting with him every day this week, since I'm out of school for Spring Break.  However, I wouldn't dare risk giving him the flu while he's doing the chemo and radiation.  I don't have any symptoms, but, being locked in the house with Morgan while she has it, I very well could get it, especially since I have Lupus.  I'm doing everything possible to prevent that from happening though.  We are washing our hands A LOT(of course, I'm almost OCD about this anyway on a daily basis), using Clorox wet wipes on everything she touches, I'm the only one handling food, dishes, etc. (translation=waiting on her hand and foot), Germ-x by her side at all times to use after she sneezes, coughs, blows nose, breathes, etc. ;)

Anyway, back to my dad.  He was able to hold a short conversation and it was coherent.  He stated that it was cold and rainy, and it is.  He's not as big a fan of the rain as I am, except when we really need it.  We actually do need it now, but, he doesn't quite understand that now.   He just knows that it's making him cold.  It was good to talk to him though.  Just wish I could spend more time with him, in person, this week.  But, he would want me to spend time with Morgy, and I am enjoying her being home from college.  It's been a long time since I've been able to spend this much time with her. 

Well, looks like I will get to spend some time with Morgy this week after all.  However, not under the best of circumstances though.  She spent the last three days working at OYE in OKC, then, drove to McAlester yesterday, to spend a few days with my aunt, whom she calls "grandma". 

My aunt kept her while I worked the first four or five years of her life.  My aunt and uncle are solely responsible for spoiling her rotten.  They took really good care of her.  Since my mom had already passed away before Morgan was born, my Aunt Retha took over the role of  "grandma" for Morgan.

Morgan arrived in McAlester yesterday afternoon and started having some symptoms of a sore throat, coughing, headache, etc.  She felt worse this morning, developed a fever,  and decided to come on home, so as not to pass it on to my aunt. 

We met in Owasso, and I took her to the doctor.  With her heart conditions, Morgan's "cold symptoms" turn into the flu or pneumonia almost overnight most of the time.  We were able to walk in and get an appointment by 2:30.  Unfortunately, she did test positive for the flu, even though she'd had a flu shot.   She drove on home, while I stayed in Owasso to wait for the results and get the medicine if it did turn out to be the flu. 

When I returned home, I made another batch of chicken noodle soup and began pushing the fluids.  She has taken her flu meds., heart meds., drank water, orange juice, hot tea, and is resting.  I'm so glad she made the drive back home okay and is here instead of at school.  Thank goodness for Spring Break!  At least she is not missing classes, and I can take care of her.  I miss her.  She's growing up.  I can't believe she'll be twenty in just a few short months, and have two years of college under her belt.  How time flies. 

Speaking of growing up, she is still growing in height!!  She is actually 5' 8 3/4" tall!!  She has passed me up, big time.  I am only 5 '5" if I'm really stretching and standing as straight as possible.

Getting LOTS of rain.  They are issuing flood warnings.  Lots of thunder and lightening....good sleep tonight.  :)

I made some homemade chicken noodle soup for my dad this morning and took it over around noon.  I sat with him while he ate quietly.  He didn't talk much, just shrugging his shoulders sometimes when I would ask a question.  He did eat a good sized bowl of the soup, and for that, I am very thankful and happy.  He has lost so much weight.  I am just thankful that he is still doing the radiation and chemo, and not getting sick because of it.  I am thankful for his hugs and an "I love you," every time I see him.  As soon as he finished his soup, he got up and went back to bed. 

My kids and I went to the Oilers game this afternoon, in Tulsa.  It was my second game and their first.  They loved it!  I can't believe I've wanted to go to a hockey game all these years and just now finding time to go.  I love every minute of it, and I've never been a huge sports fan, unless I know some of the players, such as some of my students or nieces or nephews.   I also love to watch when OSU plays OU, and sometimes, maybe even when OU plays Texas.  I think I've found my new favorite sport!! 

The last two days have been extremely fun and eventful.  My eyelids are very heavy.  Goodnight, all.

Oh, me, oh, my!!!  It's a "hurts to move night"....Five hours of painting the exterior of a house with a....get ready.....PAINT BRUSH!!!!  NO rollers in sight.  Wow!!  I am one tired puppy!!  It was fun getting to help Ashly though.  Also, got to see another massage therapist friend at Ashly's painting party...Miss Amanda B.!!  We had ourselves a little mini-reunion!! 

Then, I braved the crowds of Wal-Mart to get veggies to grill.   So glad I went to a Wal-Mart out of town, as I had a good portion of Ashly's paint on my jeans, Eskimo Joe shirt, my feet, and my hands.  So, if you see me in the next e-mail with all the crazily(is that a word?) dressed people, I'll be right there with them! Anywho,..... I bought asparagus, kale, bell peppers (on sale for fifty cents each!), Romaine hearts, nectarines, and some strawberries.  Yum, my two favorite fruits!! 

I had planned on taking a shower as soon as I got home, however, it was getting late, and my son (who happens to live next door) was ready to start grilling.  When he plans to grill, he always offers to cook whatever I want to throw on the grill!!  I take advantage and always cook lots of veggies to last me at least a few days.  I already had a head of cabbage, so, I prepared that and the following: two bunches of asparagus with a little tiny bit of Lovera's Italian salad dressing drizzled all over; the Romaine hearts w/a wee bit of extra virgin light olive oil; and the bell peppers.  Will figure out how to do the kale later.  I was being rushed... ;)

While Jake was grilling, my daughter-in-law decided to mow my lawn and their lawn!! :)  Thank you, Amanda!  So, while Jake and Amanda were busy, I put Jakob in his little red wagon and took him for a nice long walk, up and down the street a couple of times.  He loved it.  He is definitely an outdoorsman!  We walked, well, actually, I walked, he rode, for at least thirty minutes.  The weather was beautiful.  A little cloudy, but, just the right temperature, and a little breezy.  Perfect walking weather.  Perfect grilling weather, well, maybe a little too breezy for that. 

When Jakob and I got back from our walk, his moma and daddy were carrying all of the food over to my house.  Yum!!  Jake is great as a grill chef!  I'm so stuffed full of veggies, it's not EVEN funny.

If that wasn't enough for one day, I decided to whip up a batch of my homemade laundry detergent, homemade fabric softener, and homemade liquid bath soap.  I kind of roped Jake and Amanda into helping me with that project!  However, it's quick and easy to do, and even faster when you have a couple of helpers.  I've made the laundry detergent before and LOVE it, but, this is my first time to make the fabric softener and the liquid bath soap.  I'm excited to try the two new things out!! 

Now, excuse me while I got soak in a hot tub with lavender scented epsom salts!  Yes, I'm officially an old lady!!  OUCH!!  Then, it's off to bed.  I have a hockey game to go to tomorrow!!  Can't wait!!  :)

Thank you, Lord.  Spring Break, finally!!  Nine days  out of school.  I'm so ready for this break.  I'm ready to do my spring cleaning!!  Wow, it's pretty sad when I get excited about cleaning house.  I normally schedule my spring break away and end up traveling here and there to doctor's or dentist's appointments, going to visit family/friends.  I don't mind the visiting, but, at the end of the week, I don't feel like I've accomplished anything. 

I'm so excited about going to help a friend paint her brand new house tomorrow morning.  She is a young, single mom, who was given the opportunity to help build her own home through Habitat for Humanity.  I've always wanted to help on one of these homes.  This is an item I can cross off of my bucket list.  However, I still want to help do some of the actual construction of one of the Habitat for Humanity homes.  So, I may wait to cross this off my list until I get to help to some of the actual building!

Another very busy day at school.  Lots of paperwork to go over before Spring Break!!  ONE MORE DAY!!!  I'm going to go in at 7:00 a.m., in the morning, to see if I can get everything completed before I walk out of the school building at 3:15 p.m. tomorrow!!!  Looking forward to NINE days off!!  :)  My kiddos were extremely good today and I was able to go through all of my Confidential folders in order to see what still needs to be done before ending the year in May.  Too bad I don't own stock in Post-it notes!!  I used a ton of them today!!  The shredder is also my best friend. 

I was really excited a couple of days ago to find out that since we didn't use ANY of our snow days this year, we will get Good Friday off, then, every Friday in May!!!  Four day work week!!  Yes!!  Not too shabby.   If I had my druthers though, I'd love it if they put all those days together and just let us out a week early!!  Oh, well, beggars can't be chosers, eh?  I'll take a few three day weekends!!  I think I can find something to keep myself amused and or busy.

Oh, my, I really need to hit the hay.  Early day tomorrow, and one last IEP meeting squeezed in before Spring Break!!

Success!! I've been trying to do the mobile blogging from my phone, but, for some reason, it just wouldn't work. I FINALLY figured it out!! Woo-hoo!!