I spent the evening with my dad.  Very difficult watching him get smaller and smaller.  Heart-breaking to see all the changes.  Sweet to hold his hand and hear his "I love you".  Every time I wonder if I'll get another time.  Funny how things like this make you notice things you've not noticed in a long time.

When I got back home about 10:30 or so, I stepped out of my vehicle, gathered up my belongings, and headed toward the front door.  My son was on his front porch, next door.  He came over to visit for a minute on my front lawn.  We chatted for a few minutes, and I noticed a sweet, familiar smell. 

The night was cool, with a slight breeze.  One of my fondest childhood memories involves picking a few honeysuckle blossoms and pulling the stamen out of the center and sucking on it for the sweet flavor, with my best friend and next door neighbor. 

Much to my delight, I suddenly remembered this often repeated event from my grade school years, due to smelling that wonderful, sweet honeysuckle scent wafting past my face.  I asked my son if he smelled it.  He said, "Yes, there's honeysuckle over there along the neighbor's fence line, Mom."  Now, I have lived here in this house for ten plus years.  Not once, do I remember smelling honeysuckle, or even noticing it growing so close to my home.  Maybe when we are in crisis mode, we appreciate those little things and take the time to actually breathe them in.  In my opinion, the sense of smell is by far, one of our most powerful senses.  So many scents can transport us back to our early days, our high school days, college days, our children's early experiences, etc.  I can smell the scent of Estee and shed a tear because it smells just like my mom always smelled.  I miss her so.  I can smell Playdough or Crayola Crayons and immediately remember events from kindergarten or the early elementary years.  I can smell Polo and remember an old boyfriend. 

Take time to smell the honeysuckle...(or roses, whichever you prefer).

I got up at 6:00 a.m. and helped Jake put his garage sale stuff out on his carport, then, we went around town and put out his signs.  I dropped him and the baby off, then, went to the Daylight Donut store and bought breakfast for all of us.  I haven't indulged in Daylight Donut cuisine in quite some time, several months, in fact.  I will have to  do at least an hour or two on the treadmill to work off those calories today!!  After eating healthy for so long, it really didn't taste THAT great.  But, it was quick and easy.  I have a busy day ahead and I knew the kids wouldn't have time to cook breakfast since they are having their garage/moving sale. 

Getting ready to take my shower, then, head to Claremore.  I have a few errands to run, then, off to chop off some of my locks, not too short, just maily a trim for now.  Then, when I get back in Nowata, I will grab some reading materials, then, head to my dad's house.  Step-mom is going to a wedding in Broken Arrow this evening, so I'm going to sit with my dad while she's gone.  He has taken several falls lately, and someone needs to stay with him to make sure he doesn't fall again.  It breaks my heart that he has fallen so many times. 

It's nice and cloudy and just the perfect temperature...not too cool, not hot at all.  Love it, just hope it doesn't rain on my son and daughter-in-law's moving sale. 

Oh, and sorry about the pity party last night...I promise NOT to do that for awhile.  At least not publicly.  :)

Heard this on the way to work this morning.  I've heard it before, but, this morning, it really hit me.  How dare you.  So much of this song is my story, but, fortunately, you are alive.  But, are you really?  I know I appear to be, at least I'm trying to appear to be alive and well.  But, dang it, some days it's just so crazy hard to do.  Just when I think I'm okay, I make the mistake of listening to a song like this.  And THEN, yes, THEN, the very next song is a Lady Antebellum song.  Yes, "that" song.  It's a good thing my vehicle is well-stocked with Kleenex.  I've made those people rich the last couple of years.  Please tell me when this will get better, or IF it will get better.   Not a day goes by that  I don't think about you, miss you, want to yell at you, miss you, need you, need to hear your voice one more time, miss you, and need you now.   UGH, just shoot me.  I've become one of  "them"....those blithering idiots who pine over "him".  Sickening and just plain crazy.

A little late updating about the "Parent's Weekend" last weekend, at OSU....so, here goes.  Since it was storming Friday night, with a threat of tornadoes, I decided to wait and head to Stillwater early the next morning.  More storms, more rain, lots of flooding, however, I left here by 7:00 a.m., and made it to Stillwater safely. 

Morgy and I had a great day!!  We had lots of fun going to a craft show and a fashion show at the student union.  We're not real big on fashion shows, but, there was a free swag bag involved, so, we endured.  :)  We also visited the campus greenhouse, which was having a sale on some gorgeous plants.  Of course, I had to buy a couple!

Afterwards, we went to an antique store downtown ( Morgan's suggestion), Hobby Lobby, Wal-Mart, and of course, to eat at Eskimo Joe's and buy the new teacher and Special Olympics t-shirts!!  We had an extremely busy, fun day, but, I think I wore Morgy out!  She was still sick, of course, so, instead of spending the night with her, I decided to go on home.  I know she needed to rest and she would feel like she needed to entertain me if I stayed.

Fast forward to this weekend.  I pretty much finished my flower beds, planting, etc.  However, I do need maybe one or two more bags of red mulch.  But, it already looks WAY better than it did a couple of weeks ago.  I finally got my jalapenos, bell peppers, mint, cilantro, parsley, and peonies planted!!!  My yard looks great, if I do say so myself!!  I had some help with weed-eating and mowing though.  My son and daughter-in-law did all of that while I was at work Friday!! 

My grandbaby spent the night with me Friday night!  His first overnight sleepover, EVER!!!  :)  He was SO good.  He's such a cute, little sweetie!  He didn't cry at bedtime, nor, in the morning, when he woke up and discovered that he wasn't with mom and dad!  Then, I kept him most of the day Saturday, and a little while this morning, so his mom and dad could get some packing done.  They only have a few weeks left before their big move.  Then, I will be here in my little corner of the world, all by myself.  :(  Just listen to me pout and whine!!  Not a pretty sight, eh?   Not looking forward to it.  I try not to think of it too much.  I'm glad it will be closer to the end of school, so, hopefullly, I won't be mourning too much at school!!  I'm completely happy and excited for them, getting to build a brand new, beautiful house, just feeling very sad for myself. I'm going to miss them terribly.  I won't be able to walk over and see little Jakob whenever I take the notion too.  I won't hear his little hands knocking on my front door.  I miss him already.  I see lots of trips to Owasso in my future.  It's only thirty minutes away, but, right now seems like a million miles away.

My daughter texts me late this morning, early afternoon-ish......"Hey, mom, this is parent weekend at OSU; tomorrow is "Mom's Day".  Do you want to come up?  Well, now, of COURSE, I would love to come up, but, it would've REALLY been nice had I known this even one day earlier.  This tiny bit of info just twenty-four hours earlier would've saved me at least, oh, roughly, 100-150 miles of driving, not to mention the gas.  I could've left from B'ville and saved lots of time, money, and gas.  Teenagers are not very practical that way, are they? 

Oh, well, with that said, YES, I'm going!!  Can't wait to go and spend a little time with her.  I also need to make sure she's feeling better after being sick all week.  I was going to drive home, grab a bag, and head that way, however, tornado watches and warnings changed my mind.  I'm going to get up early in the morning and head that direction.  The "Mom" festivities begin at 10:00 a.m., so, I think I'll leave by 6:30 or 7:00.  That way, maybe I can get there in time to take her to breakfast, before we go to the first event. 

I'm hoping she has the forethought to clean her dorm room, change her sheets, and wash her dishes.  We shall see, but, I could almost put money on it.  She won't clean.  Wanna bet? 

So sleepy, going to hit the hay.  Good, stormy, sleeping weather, just hope and pray the tornadoes stay away.






,"Say you, say me, say it for always..." 

Love, love, love this song.  Gets me every time.

Bought some plants on Sunday, and got about half of them planted before it got dark.  I just need to figure out where to plant the extras.  My flower beds are starting to look pretty good.  I just need to put my weed mat and mulch down next.  I bought some new things this year:  red salvia, two double pink peonies, and two double red peonies; some mint, cilantro, parsley, jalapenos, and bell pepper.  I added some more daylilies, hosta, and sweet potato vines to the existing flower beds.

Jalapenos, you say?  The girl who has to search through the depths of the grocery shelves for her extra mild picante sauce???  Yes, jalapenos!!  Since I learned how to "take the heat out of the jalapenos", I am now a jalapeno lover.  Yes, I LOVE jalapenos!!  When I make jalapeno poppers, I de-vein and de-seed the jalapenos, slice down the middle, remove the stem, then...(here's the secret....) SOAK the jalapenos in ice cold water for at least thirty minutes.  I do an hour, just to be on the safe side!  Then, I drain and pat dry.  Stuff with a mixture of one-pound J.D. sausage(fried loose and grease drained), one package of softened cream cheese, and a half cup or so, of Parmesan cheese.  Bake at 350 for about thirty minutes, or until cheese mixture is slightly brown.  Remove and add grated cheese, then, put back in oven for a couple of minutes to melt the cheese.  Remove and enjoy!!  Great to eat while watching OSU/OU game, Super Bowl, etc.!

Unfortunately, Morgan is extremely ill again.  She just had the flu during Spring Break a few weeks ago.  She went to the campus physician and he prescribed antibiotics.  I just hope the meds. are strong enough and her symptoms don't turn into the flu or pneumonia.  That would not be good.  It's so hard to be three hours away from her when she's sick.  Good news, though....the campus physician knows her Cardiologist and actually went to school and graduated with him.  I'm hoping he will communicate with her heart doctor, and get some inside tips on how to best take care of her.  I'm hoping the meds. will kick in quickly and make her feel better soon.

Phone issues.  UGH.  I quite possibly have THE worst cell phone on the face of the earth.  Unbeknownst to me, I have been unable to receive text messages for at least two or three days, thus, contributing to my lonely pity party this past weekend.  Ha!  Finally, people start calling me today, wondering why I'm not answering their "five texts", "three texts", etc.  After getting home, downloading all of my pictures, backing up my contacts,  and talking to the telephone rep for at least and hour and a half, (fingers crossed) I THINK I have resolved the text messaging issue, with the help of the oh, so patient, telephone rep.  

A little sad tonight.  So many changes coming at me, so quickly.  My dad is very ill.  He just finished up his radiation and chemo.  I stayed with him last night while my step-mom got out of the house for a few hours.  He has lost SO much weight.  I don't want to lose my daddy. I'm still not ready.

Morgan rarely comes home.  She's very busy with school these days.  She stayed in Stillwater this weekend.  Easter weekend.

Jake, Amanda, and the baby will be moving soon.  It will only be thirty minutes away, but, will seem like halfway across the world.  I will miss that baby boy terribly.  I already do.  I will miss so much.  Each new word.  Each new tooth.  Everything.  They are gone this weekend, as well.  Easter weekend.

I'm so very selfish.  I want my kids for EVERY holiday.  I want them here all the time.  I miss them all.  I know they're grown.  They all have their own lives.  Funny thing, when they get to a certain age, very young age, in fact, they actually DO have their own lives.  As parents, that IS our goal...for them to be independent and able to take care of themselves, be successful, etc.  But, it's so hard to cut those apron strings.  It hurts like hell.  I want them to be independent and they are.  They are good kids.  I'm so very proud of them.  But, dang it, it's so hard to not have them here under my wings all the time.  I miss them terribly. 

Everyone is leaving me.  Geez, I hate pity parties.  I hate whiners, and that's exactly what I'm doing right now.

I need chocolate.  So tempted to make a huge ooey, gooey, chocolate cake.  But, I won't. 

Why do I always lose everyone?  I've always thought of myself as a loner.  Now that I practically AM one, I don't think I like it.  Not one bit.

On a different note, I did have a very productive day yesterday on my day off for Good Friday.  I finished the mowing that Jake and I had started on Thursday evening, then, I worked on my flower bed and got most of the weeds pulled, the leaves raked out and bagged up, and the soil broken up a bit.  I just need to buy some new plants to add to what I've already got from last year.  My azaleas survived from last year and actually have some blooms!  My hostas are looking gorgeous, and the daffodils are making great progress.  I want to get some sweet potato vines and maybe some more hostas.  My whiskey barrel planters are full of  whatever I planted in them last year.  I can't remember the name of the flower at the moment, but, there are hundreds of tiny purple blooms and the plant is spreading over to the edges of the barrel.  Baby Jakob enjoyed helping me while I was pulling weeds and raking the leaves out of the flower beds.  He had his bucket and little plastic trowel, but was more interested in using my rake, and other "big" implements.  At one point my nose met the handle of the rake he was using!  OUCH!  He also kept digging little shovels full of dirt and dumping them on the sidewalk.  He was helping his "GeeGee".  :)

Today, I went for a "hot oil pedicure" at my friend Tami's house/place of business.  She is having a special this month and the above mentioned pedicure is only $10.00 (my toes are now neon pink, by the way)!  When I left her house it was just beginning to rain pretty good.  By the time I got back to my house, only a few blocks away, it was POURING down, bucketfulls!!!  From my truck to my front door, just six to eight feet away, I got soaked.  Crazy good rain.  Loved it.  My electricity went off several times, because of the thunderstorms. 

Finally, it slacked up long enough for me to feed the horses this afternoon, about 4:00.  Charlie is not letting Brock eat, so, we have to separate them while they eat.  A guy came out yesterday and trimmed their hooves, and he told us to put a couple of bricks in Charlie's feed trough, and that would slow him down.  Awesome tip.  Let's hope it works.  Poor Brock.

Since we didn't use any of our snow days this year, we get to take Good Friday off.  So, next week, we only have four days of school!  Then, during the month of May, we have EVERY Friday off.  Three day weekends all month!  Personally, I'd rather just take off five days at the end of our school year, but, I'll take three day weekends if that's our only choice!  Either way, it's all good!  Therefore, I only have thirty-six school days left, if my calculations are correct.  I can't believe the school year is almost over.

I'm so ready.  Ready for something new.  Ready for a new beginning.  Ready to do something different.  Go somewhere different.  Ever want to just run away?  I do.  But I can't.  I've lived here twelve years.  I just realized that's the longest I've ever lived any where in my entire life. 

As a child, we moved around a lot.  My dad was a lineman.  I remember living in Bakersfield, Placerville, and Fresno, California; Yerington, Nevada; and many other places I don't remember as a baby.  We moved with the job.  Many memories, many experiences.  But, Oklahoma was always home, where we always returned eventually.  Maybe this is why I've always loved road trips.  Who knows? 

I'm getting the itch to move.  I had it last year.  Thought about moving to Alaska to teach.  I did the online application thing.  Got a few e-mails and invites to interview in Fairbanks, the Bering Strait(brrr) and Anchorage.  Very tempting.  I did listen to an online video chat about what all teaching in Alaska entails.  It was very interesting.  Teachers from the lower 48  are only able to take their clothes, basically.  No vehicle, no furnishings.  They provide fully furnished apartments for the teachers to rent.  When arriving in Anchorage, new teachers are to order their groceries for, I think, a six month supply, then, it is shipped to the city or village where you will be teaching.  The culture is completely different.  I think it would just be so awesome to experience a different environment, culture, etc., and the salary is not half bad either!  My salary would double. I know, everyone says the cost of living is so much higher, but, what would I really need besides food and maybe some warmer clothes?  I need/want very little.  I think I could even do without a television, as long as I have plenty of books and some music to listen to. 

It all sounded great and exciting, however, I reconsidered and have put it on hold for now, because of my dad's health and the fact that my youngest is still in college.  I couldn't get home soon enough if anything happened to either of them.    Morgan usually has to have surgery on an average of about every three to four years, and it's usually a pretty short term notice.  I need to stick pretty close to her; I wouldn't want to be half a world away from her if that happened.

Miss you.  Like crazy.