"Whatever you want to do, do it.  There's only so many tomorrows."


"SHOW me, don't TELL me."


"Do something today that your future self will thank you for."


Words to live by, IF you really and truly believe in that old saying, "Life's too short to live with regrets...".  You know the one.

"....sometimes it hurts instead."

Breathe. Just remember to breathe. And keep praying. That's all I have. Prayers and hope. Please, Lord, give us a miracle.

Miss you.

Chemo oncologist today. Glioblastoma multiforme, a grade IV tumor, a malignant astrocytoma. According to the chemo oncologist, "one of the worst kinds of brain tumors you could possibly get." It is the fastest growing, most deadly type of brain tumor. No cure. EVER.

Two months. Two months ago they found this, and two months have been wasted doing NOTHING about this. Waiting on appointments. Waiting on test results. Waiting. WASTING precious time. He could've started treatments TWO MONTHS ago!!!

Today was the fourth day of radiation, first time to see the chemo oncologist. Chemotherapy will start Saturday, when the medicine arrives. Wal-Mart doesn't even carry it, because it is SO expensive. $12,000.00 a month expensive. Yes, I put in the correct amount of zeroes. Twelve thousand dollars a month. Thank the good Lord their insurance/Medi-care will pay for it. I just hope and pray he can tolerate it without getting sick.

I miss my Dad. Sometimes he can bring up the words he wants to say, most of the time, he can't. This breaks my heart. His language is gone sometimes, then, reappears for a moment. But, he ALWAYS manages to call me "baby" and say, "I love you," no matter what.

Oh, dear Lord, please come soon. This is just too hard. Please don't let him suffer. But, I still want to try everything possible to try to give him more time. I still believe in miracles, and I'm praying for one.

Amazing grace...how sweet the sound...

Radiation treatment number one, out of thirty. Dad made it okay, no problems. Please pray that he is cooperative, and doesn't get so tired that he refuses to go. Please pray for Maggie, as well. Pray that she continues to MAKE him go, as the doctor prescribed. Pray that she does not get sick and keeps her strength and health. She's going to need it. I wish I could take off more to help her take him to the treatments. I'm trying to save my days for the times he goes to the different doctors - the brain specialist in Tulsa, the radiation oncologist and the chemo oncologist, both in Bartlesville. We see the chemo oncologist this week, then, the brain specialist again next week. I don't have many days left, please pray I can still take off when needed and be able to keep my job.

This is in your hands, Lord.

Grace, grace, God's grace....

"Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die tomorrow."

One of my favorite quotes: "If it's IMPORTANT to you, you WILL find a way. It it's NOT, you will make EXCUSES."

"Life is too short to not be happy". This has ALWAYS been my philosophy in life. ALWAYS. I have always tried to be positive in every aspect of my life. I've never been one to dwell on problems, the past, etc. Funny how one person can totally squash your lifelong outlook on life. I've never, in my whole entire life allowed one person to change me this much. From this experience, I have learned to be very guarded, not trust so easily, not fall so easily, not dream. No more dreams for me. Just survive and make it through the day. Pray. Pray, constantly, to make it through every second of the day, without a tear.

I'm trying really hard to be happy again. Life just KEEPs throwing curve balls at me though. It's getting harder to dodge them lately.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy. I have good kids, a grandbaby, and my daddy is still alive. I have much to be thankful for. I am thankful for the many blessings I've been allowed. I am humbled by my good fortune.

However, there's still that nasty old wound, that will never be healed. Can't be. Permanent hole in the 'ol ticker. A hole that aches. A hole that is black and bottomless. It's there, and always will be. With lots of prayer and God's amazing grace, I will, however, survive.


Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...

I miss you. Terribly.

We went to the radiation oncologist this week. We found out that the brain tumor is a Grade IV. This means it is very fast growing. We start radiation treatments Monday. Five days a week for six weeks. The doctor said without the radiation, my dad probably only has six months to live. With radiation treatment, he thinks we can get a year, maybe even two. One or two years versus six months. I'll take that. Sure, I'd rather have forever. I'd rather be the first to go. Losing another parent is not in my plan. I'm praying for a miracle. A HUGE miracle. My God is big enough to do that. I'm trusting HIM. He knows what's best.

We had pictures made last weekend with my Dad. My friend, Charity, sent me one of the pictures of my Dad by himself, via e-mail. It was a beautiful picture of my Dad smiling. Smiling! Nothing better. My Dad smiling. When I get more of the pictures next week, I'll post a few. Love you, Dad.

Thank you, Lord, for each day with my Dad. Thanking you for a miracle ahead of time.

Praying for a snow day. I could really use an extra day, before going back to school.

Praying Morgan makes it back to school before it starts snowing.

Most of all, just praying for a huge miracle for my Dad.

"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the ONLY choice you have." ~Unknown

Preliminary results say it's malignant, and it's a Grade III brain tumor. Still waiting on the final results, hopefully, will know something by Monday. The brain specialist says we will start chemo and radiation, after we get the final results. We will have to see a chemo oncologist and a radiation oncologist, to set up a treatment schedule.

Today, my sweet friend, came over and took a multitude of pictures of my dad - some with the kids, some with Maggie, some with me, some, by himself. The hardest thing I ever did. As soon as I sat down by him to get our picture taken, he told me he loved me. I lost it. My kids all left the room. I didn't mean to do it. It just happened. My friend, Charity, the photographer, was also in tears. I felt so bad. She lost her dad a little over a year ago to cancer. I would've NEVER dreamed to ask her to take pictures of my dad, under these circumstances. She approached me when I found out my dad's prognosis. She told me to pick a day and time and she would come take pictures. Charity is an excellent photographer and an even better friend. Thank you, so very much, Charity. I know this was just as hard on you, as it was on my kids and me. I love you. What a wonderful, generous thing for you to offer. I know these pictures are going to be treasured forever.

For some reason, an old James Taylor song keeps running through my mind today...."How sweet it is, to be loved by you..." I have been blessed with the sweetest Daddy anyone could EVER, EVER hope to have. He has gone above and beyond the call of duty and helped me and my kids more than he'll ever know. What would I have done without him all these years?

I decided it might be a good idea to get some photographs taken before treatment begins. We don't know for sure how he's going to handle the chemo, or if he can. I pray it doesn't make him sick. I pray the doctor is right, and it makes him have a better quality of life.

I love you, Daddy.