On my way to school this morning, my step-mom called me and said that my dad had a bad seizure last night. He's in the hospital, but, we think he'll be able to come home tomorrow evening. He's doing pretty good, and can talk better than he was this morning, according to my step-mom. I went to visit with him for a couple of hours as soon as I got out of my workshop today. I was so hoping that he was going to be okay since the new medicine seemed to be working. He's had a couple of really good months up until now. They will now add another new anti-seizure medication. Hopefully, there will be no bad side-effects like the first medication. Please pray for my dad. I don't want anything else to happen to him.

School has already been called off tomorrow for the impending "Snowmageddon" storm. I normally LOVE my snow days, but, I'm actually, kinda sad this time. Morgan is spending the week at Raelann and Adrean's. Jake and Amanda are stranded in Tulsa. Amanda rode to work with Jake, so she could go buy their groceries today. Jake's boss told him to stay in Tulsa tonight, because they were going to need him there the next few days. His boss is putting them up in a hotel, right next to his workplace, feeding them, etc., for the next few days. They didn't take clothes or anything, so, they had to go buy clothes for Jake to work in, food for the baby, diapers, etc. They had just planned on coming home as soon as Jake got off work.

Normally, when we have snow and ice, we often lose electric service. My dad comes over, hooks up my generator, checks on me and Morgan, and we do just fine. But, this time, of course, he's in the hospital, and they may end up staying there if it's bad by tomorrow evening. So, I won't see my kids, my dad, or anyone. It's going to be pretty lonesome. A snow day, with nobody to share it with. Sucks to be me. Praying that nobody loses electricity.

Oh, and by the way, thanks for the call. I needed that. A nice surprise.

"Don't walk in front of me; don't walk behind me; walk beside me."

"Dream a little dream."

"Live each day as if it were your last."

Yet another workshop tomorrow and Friday. Snore. Counting the days until Spring Break....29 school days!!!!...March 12-20th!!! Can't wait!!

The last two days were sunny and beautiful!! Can't believe that there is a winter weather storm watch for this coming week!! I'm so excited about having a couple of snow days!! Yippeeeeeee!!! :)

Okay. Breathe. I feel much better now. I got it. Two good bits of news. :) I just now saw it. Sunday morning.

"We have a finite amount of time. Whether short or long, it doesn’t matter. Life is to be lived." ~Randy Pausch

It's so pretty outside!! It's almost like an early Spring day! The sun is shining, slight breeze, perfect weather.

Started off my day giving an early morning massage, then, came home and called Amanda to see if she needed me to help with Jakob, while she got ready for her family coming up. She said, "yes," so I went on over, gave Jakob a bath, then, sat in the floor and played with him while his mom got some last minutes things done. He's learning so many new things! He's just too smart and too cute!!! Love him, love him, love him!! Smooches to you, Jakob!! Grammy loves you, bunches! :)

One more day. Friday. I'm wishing my life away. Waiting for Friday. This has been the longest week, EVER!!! Why is it just dragging by so slowly??? 31 days until Spring Break; 79 days until school is out. Then, what?

It has been a pretty good week at school. For the most part, the kids have been good. We are writing essays, and a couple of my students have really surprised me. I'm excited to finish them up tomorrow. Our first essay of the year, with many, many more to go!! Lots of writing practice ahead!!

Received a much needed massage today. Thank you, my friend. Now, I just want to go to sleep. So, very relaxed...

I talked to my dad today. He seems to be doing pretty good. It's good to hear him laugh.

Made it through another day. One day at a time. One hour, one moment. All in all, a fairly good day. It went by quickly, stayed busy.

I ate supper with Jake, Amanda, and Jakob. Jakob now has two teeth!! He's getting bigger by the minute! So cute!!

I'm doing somewhat better. Still empty though. Sometimes I just want to run far, far away. Still considering Alaska...have to decide something before April 10th...

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not want..."

Not a bad Monday at all. I'm not particularly fond of Mondays, usually. But, today went by quickly, no incidents to report!! Thank you, Lord, all my classes went smoothly today! I have duty this week, so, I have to get up a little extra early to make sure I'm there a little earlier than usual.

Morgan is still pretty sick. FIVE prescriptions, since Friday, and still not feeling well. She did go back to school today though. I guess I had better go make her some potato soup and have it ready for her by the time she gets home!

"Dance like no one is watching;
Love like you'll never get hurt;
Sing like no one is listening;
Live like it's Heaven on Earth."

Encouragement often comes from the most unlikely and surprising sources. Two phone calls, with two different people, in two days, both gave me lots of sound (and sometimes, WACKY) advice, but, more importantly, lots of much needed laughter. An old friend called on Friday night and talked for almost three hours, consoling and lifting me up, yet, at the same time, making me laugh uncontrollably amidst the tears. This friend convinced me that I WOULD indeed be alright, and that I WOULD make it. Somehow, I'm starting to believe that, after our lengthy conversation. Haven't talked to this friend in months, and it was a good "pick-me-up", however, pretty bizarre, funny, crazy, and sweet, at the same time! Like I said, a very unlikely source of encouragement.

The second phone call was me calling a very sweet cousin, who is going through pretty much the same thing as I am. I felt like she was having a bad day, so, I called to try to offer HER some encouragement. However, it backfired, and she ended up giving ME encouragement. Always the one thinking of others, she had me rolling in laughter, as well. We laughed, cried, talked, etc., until we both got sleepy, and decided to call it a day. She is SUCH a good person and deserves to be happy. I pray that she soon finds what will make her heart soar with happiness. I wish we lived closer to each other, so we could spend more time together.

God is good, and God has a sense of humor. BOY, does He EVER?!?!

Good night, Moon.

:)

"Every hour I need thee, bless me now, my Saviour, I come to thee, I need thee, oh, I need thee,..." as sung by Randy Owens...beautiful song.

Had a wonderful day visiting with my daughter-in-law, Amanda. We made our trip to Claremore, got our haircuts, ate lunch, and did some antique shop hopping...well, one store anyway! What a neat store!! Found a little treasure, and lots of memories were brought back to life while visiting this quaint little shop. It was also a little coffee/latte/cappaccino spot, as well!!

Then, on to buy a few groceries and get our free Route 66 (haha! Sorry, Amanda!)before heading home. We decided to forego the movie. Not only were we both stuffed from our very good lunch, and afraid we'd fall asleep in the movie, I think we were both a little worried about baby Jakob and Jake, being on their own. Jakob is very attached to his sweet momma, and the thought of him crying for his momma, just kills me. I don't think either one of us wanted him to get to that point. Jake does a great job with Jakob, but, he misses his momma when she is out of sight. He's so sweet; such a precious baby boy!!

Had just a great, great day!!

God is good.

On the agenda for today: a short road trip to Claremore, a haircut, and possibly a movie, with my daughter-in-law, Amanda, and my friend June, from Tulsa!!! I need a day out so badly!!

Got up early and made ham and cheese omelets, toast, and coffee, for Morgan and I. She was already awake at 6:30 a.m. She slept so much yesterday, plus, took some of her new meds., including cough syrup with codeine, so, she slept, hopefully most of the night. She has the craziest sleeping patterns, or should I say lack of sleeping patterns. She has a really hard time sleeping at night. When she went to the doctor yesterday, he prescribed FIVE new medications (on top of the 9-10 that she already takes for heart and migraine issues)! But, most of these are temporary meds.(I hope) to get her through this stomach thing. He's thinking that she either has an inflamed "food pipe"(yes, that's what the good M.D. called it) or quite possibly an ulcer! I wouldn't be surprised, after her very stressful first semester of college, last fall. I'm hoping she feels better soon, so she doesn't miss any more classes, and doesn't get behind. She only missed three classes yesterday, however, that's a LOT of info to miss out on in college. I think she'll do much better, since she's home now, and hopefully, won't be so homesick, etc.

Well, I had better shut this down and start getting ready for my roadtrip!! I'm excited!! Can't wait!!

God is good.

Had an AWESOME day at school today!! (even though I not-so-secretly was wishing for just one more snow day!!) Lots of students out again today...surprise, surprise!! I'm so bad, I counted the days until Spring Break(35!) and the days until the END of SCHOOL (81!), not that I'm anxious for school to be out or anything....

I really DO love teaching, but, just having a not so great year, this year. Too many things have happened, starting last summer. So much trauma, drama, problems, etc., that I normally don't experience. It's just been a very weird, draining year. I'm hoping things will finally get ironed out and settle down soon, REAL soon. Please and thank you.

My principal came in during my third hour for my observation/evaluation, rather unexpectedly. Ah, the element of surprise. It seems like it's always on a Friday when I am observed. Since we had in-service Monday and a snow day yesterday, my lesson plans were all out of whack, so, I had run off some Survival Skills type worksheets this morning. I thought it would be a nice break and something different from our normal English lesson, a good, Friday, fun assignment. We worked on reading a label from a nutritional supplement, answered six questions about the label, then, read some want ads from a newspaper sample, and answered seven or eight questions about the jobs being advertised. The kids actually seemed to enjoy the activity, a good break from their routine. My principal didn't stay long, maybe ten or fifteen minutes, tops.

Later, on my Plan period, I ran down to copy a couple of writing assignments for next week. As the copier was doing it's job, I checked my mailbox. I was surprised to find a personal, hand-written note in my box. It was from my very sweet (who happens to be a former Special Education teacher) current principal. Here is what she said:

"Ms. Stamper, 1-21-11

I enjoyed visiting your class today. Good idea for the alternative activity with the shortened schedule this week. I appreciate all you do for your students.

Mrs. C. "

Now, we usually just get a computer-generated evaluation, which is pretty generic looking. In twenty-six years of teaching, I don't think I've ever received a hand-written note from a principal, after an observation! A short, sweet note, nothing elaborate, but, I was pretty excited and happy to receive it!! Thank you, Mrs. C, you made my day!! :)

Even better than that is when one of my students does or says something that brightens my day. One of my students put something into my hand as she walked through my door today. I looked down and it was a package of instant hot chocolate. :) I asked, "For me?" She said, "Yes". Of course, I thanked her profusely. Now, what could be better than a small gesture of a package of hot chocolate mix? This same student tried to give me a one dollar bill a week or so ago, along with a thank you note, for something a friend of mine and I had done for her family earlier, something VERY small, but, much appreciated by the family. She told me in the note that she couldn't give me a Christmas gift, but, she wanted me to have the dollar. I pulled her into the hall, thanked her for the sweet thank-you note, but, explained that I could not accept the money, or I could lose my job. I felt really bad, but, just couldn't take a dollar from a child whose family REALLY needed that dollar themselves. So, today, she gave me a gift I could accept. A wonderful little package of hot chocolate. :) How could she possibly have known that I LOVE hot chocolate?!?

Isn't is wonderful how God knows JUST what you need, JUST when you need it(and it doesn't have to be anything great big, sometimes it's the smallest of gestures, that mean the most)?

God is good.

Okay, Lord, please just one more snow day....tomorrow. A four-day weekend would be really great right now. I hate to sound so stingy, but, it really would be great! I so enjoyed my day off today. It came at a really good time. Don't know if I could've done school today, Lord. Thank you for the beautiful snow. I love you. You have perfect timing. You gave us beautiful snow.

Enjoyed spending time with my family today, homemade chicken noodle soup, brownies, pictures in the snow, watching Jakob eat, it's all good stuff, Lord.

Please take care of those traveling these roads, dear Lord. Please, Lord, give me peace. I love you.

God is good.

Okay, I've enjoyed the entire morning of my snow day, being extremely lazy!! Now, I need to get moving and take a shower. Then, I would like to do a little house cleaning, bake some brownies, and make some homemade chicken noodle soup. After that, I just might have to go out and play in the snow. Morgan has already requested that we go out and take pictures! Sounds like fun to me!

SNOW DAY today!!!!! YIPPPEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!! Lovin' it!!! :)

It was a very busy, but, great day at school today. A lot of my challenging students were gone today, so I actually got a lot done!! Tried to get everything set up for a substitute, just in case I don't make it to school due to the weather. I'm hoping it's called off due to snow before I head over there, however, if it's not, I'm not sure if I'll be able to make it or not. It was so slippery last time it snowed, I barely made it. I looked for new tires the other day, but, it looks like I may have to order some. I had hoped to get some before the weather got bad, but, it didn't work out. I'm hoping I can at least get two this month, then, maybe a couple more in a month or two. Oh, the joys of a teacher's salary in Oklahoma!!

It's only 8:40 p.m. I'm exhausted, and have a horrible headache. Think I'm going to hit the hay a little earlier than usual tonight. Lots of things swimming around in the 'ol noodle tonight.

Ate supper w/all of my kids tonight. Got to see baby Jakob! He's getting so big, trying hard to crawl and walk!! He just turned seven months old on the seventeenth of this month!! Hard to believe.

Goodnight, moon....

God is good.

Found a web site Sunday night dealing with teaching in Alaska. I actually started filling out an application for employment for the state of Alaska, just for kicks and giggles. Just curious. The directions stated that one could begin filling out the application, stop at any point, save it, then, return later to complete it. As long as it finished within twenty-five days, they will keep it online. Schools from all over Alaska have access to the application once it has been written on, even if it's not complete. I filled out quite a bit of the application, but, need to find one of my old resumes, in order to complete it. I'm just in the "thinking/considering stages of this whole deal. I don't know that I'll follow through with this, (in fact, highly unlikely) but, I've always thought it would be fun to go off to Alaska to teach!!

This evening, I checked my e-mail and guess what I found?!?!? An e-mail from a recruiting officer with the Fairbanks school system, informing me of a job fair, and several open positions!! AWESOME!! The job fair is near the end of March, in Fairbanks. For out-of-town, or out-of-state applicants, I was told that I could interview for the job/s via Skype!! How fun!! They also included their salary schedule and list of benefits. My salary would more than double, benefits are awesome, moving allowance, etc. Hmmmmm....sounds interesting!!!

Like I said, Sunday, just a thought...probably won't happen anytime soon. Need to be here for my dad, my kids, and my grandbaby.

Made spaghetti, Italian sausage, and Italian garlic bread for supper. Last night, I made French onion soup. This cooking for Morgan is getting to be a nightly thing...I almost forgot how to cook while she was off to college!! That kid likes to eat. I could probably survive without cooking but once every week or so. Heck, I don't think I even cooked twice the whole semester Morgan was gone, unless she came home on the weekend. I think we have enough leftovers to last a couple more days, so, no more cooking for a couple of days!

Tomorrow, no massages, so, I get to come home early and rest, take it easy, or clean house and do laundry! Woo-hoo, such exciting options!! Yeah, life is wonderful.

No kiddos at school today, just lots of meetings, staff development, etc. Four more days until the weekend!! Lord, just help me make it through this week.

Love my friend who prayed for me today. I already feel a lot better!

God is good. All the time.

I'm going to do some research on teaching in Alaska. I heard from a teacher friend that a friend of hers went to teach there for a year. They gave her a sign-on bonus, plus, a great deal on her retirement package, plus, of course, an awesome yearly salary. The deal was for just one year to begin with. At the end of her first year, they offered her double what they did on the original retirement package, plus, another stipend/sign-on type deal, AND an increase in her yearly salary. It was too good for her to pass up. There is a shortage of teachers, and I'm sure probably a shortage of Special Education teachers.

I am seriously considering doing something like that. I have until April 10th to decide if I'm going to stay where I'm at. I will be doing some serious research the next few weeks before I make a decision. If I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life, I may as well make some good money for retirement and also be able to pay everything off. I only have four truck payments left, then, will be able to concentrate on paying off the rest of my bills. An Alaskan teaching salary might help me to do that really quickly!!

Made a quick trip to McAlester today, to attend the funeral of my cousin's husband. I saw many aunts, uncles, cousins, cousin's children, and cousin's grandchildren. This is the only time I see most of these relatives...when there's a funeral. I was standing next to a cousin, talking to her, when the young husband of a cousin's daughter or granddaughter (don't know which) walked up to us with a very distressed brand new baby. He asked if one of us could hold the baby while he ran to get something. My cousin, said, "Yes, just let me put my stuff down." While she was doing that, I couldn't resist...I took the baby!! :) It was so tiny and so cute. He/she (I don't even know what it was, or WHO it was!!) was crying, lost it's binky, momentarily, then, I replaced it and began talking to him, walking, and gently bouncing him. He immediately stopped crying and went to sleep!! The dad came back, retrieved the baby WAY too soon, and was surprised that he had stopped crying! I was rather happy to help out. Gotta LOVE babies!!

After the funeral, a couple of cousins, their daughters, a niece of one of my cousins, and I went to eat a late lunch at Roseanna's. I wanted to eat Italian, but, not necessarily THAT particular Italian restaurant. Don't get me wrong, the food was wonderful, but, the place has just a couple of sad memories. But, that was temporarily forgotten while visiting with my cousins. We had a very good visit, and actually laughed a lot. The "three musketeers" ride again...love you girls!! We're planning another get-together either in February or March. Should be fun!

I came on home after stopping by Lovera's, in Krebs, for some Italian sausage and some caciocavera cheese!! My favorite cheese!!

Now home, oh, so empty, lonesome home...still so hard.

God is good.

What a wonderful day! Thank you, Lord!! You are too good to us! Thank you, thank you, thank you!!! Our God is an AWESOME God!!!

Horrible headache. Everything hurts. Going to bed.

A teacher's two favorite words??? SNOW DAY!!! Yes, finally, a snow day!! I'm SO happy, especially after sliding all over the road this morning on my way to school!! I get to sleep in!!!(or at least try to) I LOVE SNOW DAYS!!!

Even though I had to slip/slide all the way to school, I had a pretty good day today! The kids were good. There were a few students absent, which made some of my larger classes very quiet and peaceful!! The day passed very quickly, as we were very busy.

The snow fell off and on all day, but, mostly on! I could just sit and watch it snow all day. I love it! It's just one of the most beautiful things to see, in my opinion. I hope it snows more tonight, so, I can get out and take some pictures!! Amanda took some great pictures of the baby today, out in his wagon, in the snow! His very first snow!! He's such a cutie and has such a wide array of facial expressions, and is very photogenic.

I made enchiladas, Spanish rice, and jalapeno poppers for supper tonight! Now that Morgan is living back at home, I am actually having to cook supper now and then! We have enough leftover for lunch and maybe even supper again tomorrow night. I made deer jerky last night for Jake. He got a deer when he went hunting at his dad's place. Next weekend, I'll make more deer jerky for Morgan with her deer meat.

Morgan went to her new school today, for her first day of Spring semester classes. She has someone to carpool with, which will help, however, that may not work, since she had to change her schedule. The boy that's carpooling with her will have to go an hour early and stay an hour late, because of Morgan's schedule, so, he may not want to wait around on her. I hope it works out, though. I'll feel much better knowing someone is with her while making that trip. I hope this works out for her, but, I think she will probably like it, because she ran into several people that she knows while there today.

All in all, a very busy, but good day!!

Thank you, Lord.

Okay, I'm ready for a snow day!! Don't know if it'll happen tomorrow, but, Tuesday would definitely do. I have a workshop to go to Tuesday, and it would be quite alright if I had to miss it!!! :) It's so hard to sit all day at these workshops. I'd much rather be in my classroom with my kids!!! I've already missed so many days going to workshops, it's not even funny.

Had a great weekend, just went by way too fast, as usual. Got to spend lots of time with baby Jakob!! He's so sweet and growing up so fast!

Morgan starts school tomorrow! I want a snow day, but, I'd rather it not snow with her having to drive over the Oolagah dam. However, she did have someone offer to carpool with her, so, that will help, and I'll feel better that she's not driving by herself!! Pretty scary driving over that dam when it's dry and clear, so, I can wait on a snow day.

God is good.

Came home today ready to go straight to bed. I'm so tired. However, Morgan reminded me that it was Basketball Homecoming. My nephew, Dallas, was one of the escorts, and he was, in fact, escorting one of Morgan's best friends, Kelsey. So, I definitely had to go! I met Morgan there and sat with her, Granny Maggie, Ashley, Ben, and Tammie. Got to see several people I hadn't seen in awhile. We just stayed for Homecoming, and to take pictures, then, came on home. I will have to go and watch Dallas play soon, since this is his Senior year. I just couldn't stay tonight though. I'm just ready to go to bed. I have three massages tomorrow, so, this will be short and sweet. I have two early morning massages, then, one at 3:00 p.m.

Morgan got enrolled at her new college today, so, I'm hoping everything goes well for her, this semester. She seems excited about a new beginning. Maybe being closer to home will help her out. I hope so. I can't stand to see her unhappy, upset, and homesick. I just worry about her driving back and forth.

Ahhhh...it's Thursday. One more day. I got my massage today for the first time in a few weeks. One of us has been sick the last two or three weeks, or just behind on holiday chores, so, we've missed a few massages. I'm very sleepy now & getting ready to hit the hay. Just hoping I don't wake up at 1:30 or 2:00 like I did last night, wide awake! Ugh... I hate it when I do that! I haven't done that in awhile.

Yay!! I made it through another day!! No tears today! I can do this. I can do this. I can do this, WITH God's help!!! Thank you, Lord. Thank YOU for the good stuff! Those little things that help me make it through the day,...that's the good stuff...an e-mail; a text from my new friend-the interpreter for my deaf student, telling me what a good teacher I am, (what an unexpected, sweet surprise!) made me cry and smile at the same time; a massage; a visit from baby Jakob (who happens to be the cutest baby & has the sweetest smile on the planet!); a feeling of a small amount of peace...good stuff.

God is good.

Wow!!! Ask and ye shall receive!!! See last night's blog post....

Thank you, Lord!! You sent several tailor-made messages to me through facebook, of all things, and a couple more songs. A much needed chat with my cousin helped, as well. Dear Lord, please help her, as well. Please send angels to comfort her and give her hope.

Several posts written just for me, sent from You, I'm sure, helped me make it through another day, Lord. Thank you, and I love you.

God is good, and I know God loves me.

Thank, Lord, for another day of survival. Please help me to remember that You DO have a plan. I know You do. I trust that You do.

PSALMS 23:1) The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. 2) He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters. 3) He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake. 4) Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me. 5) Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over. 6) Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.

This is one of the prayers that my mom and I said over and over while she was dying of cancer. We often said it several times a day. This was her favorite, and mine. It still comforts the soul when I read it or say it. God gave us a whole book full of all of these wonderful prayers, promises, and guidelines for living. Why is it we sometimes forget to pick up that book until we are in crisis mode? Our Bibles should be worn thin from overuse, but, are they?

I miss my relationship with God. Maybe that's why I am where I am right now. My heart's desire is to return to my God, and lean on Him completely. I can't do this on my own, none of us can. I'm turning this over to God, letting Him handle it from now on. Whatever happens, just happens. Like it or not. It may not be what I want, but, I have come to realize I have NO control over what I want. You can't twist someone's arm and force them to want the same thing you want. If they don't want it, they just don't want it. As sad as that may make me, there's nothing I can do about it. I will just have to learn to lean on God again. That's what I should have been doing all along.

God is good.

I just have to say, Thank you, Lord. Thank you for helping me make it through this day. Thank you for the e-mails, the texts, and the song you sent to me, just for me, from my sweet cousin. Thank you, Lord, for making the first day back at school very easy. Thank you for well-behaved kiddos. Thank you for the many blessings you sent my way today. Thank you for baby Jakob...he makes me smile. I made it through the day, because of your loving arms being wrapped around me, Lord. You sent angels to watch over me, and I thank you and love you for it.

For twenty-six years now, the most dreaded night of the year has always been the last night before going back to school after Christmas break. The first day back after summer break is not even this hard. At that point, I've had two months off, and I'm generally ready to go back (well, except for this last summer,...I was not ready to go back, because I had had such a wonderful summer).

Back to school, after Christmas break, is just plain 'ol hard, after having spent two weeks with family and friends, baking, cooking, playing games, watching Christmas movies, etc. Intense family time, that's what Christmas break is. Nothing better. No other time during the year are we forced to be together in such a relatively short amount of time, in such close, warm, cozy quarters, under usually happy circumstances (ideally, anyway). Those times are made up of years of memories, ties that bind, traditions, etc. When this routine is changed, broken, or lost, it is one of the toughest times of the year for many people. It is hard to be happy when you've lost loved ones to death, divorce, separation, or other negative situations. However, life does go on, at least for most people. My heart goes out to those who no longer have family or friends to spend that Christmas time with, or are homeless. I am reminded of that at each holiday that my kids have gone to their dad's house for certain holidays. How do people deal with it when they don't have ANYONE to spend time with, at EACH holiday, every year? I have friends already in that position. We all know someone in that position, I am sure. I have a hard enough time being alone, knowing that my kids WILL at least return in a few days. Because of these "together" times, it is hard to go back to school that first school day in January. The next break is so far away.

I'm hoping the next five months fly by as quickly as the first semester did. I can't wait to get to next summer. It seems like an eternity away from now. I'm hoping that I will once again be able to smile and laugh again by then. I'm hoping that I will no longer be crying every time I'm alone. I'm hoping that I will have a desire to go on. I'm hoping I will want to be around people again, without fear of bursting into tears. I can't imagine that happening, but, I'm hoping it will.

God is good.

Enjoyed a "quiet" evening with friends on New Year's Eve. I don't think I could've made it at home alone. My friends got me through the night with lots of laughter, snacks, loud music, and just plain silliness. However, I was ready to go to bed by 9:15!! My friend made the statement, "Okay, at 10:15, we have to turn the music off, turn the t.v. on, and get ready to watch the ball drop." At that point, I really thought it was at least 10:30 or 11:00, and that's when I discovered it was only 9:15!! I really had to struggle to stay awake until midnight. Thank you, friends, for being there for me and making me laugh and forget.

Today is my last day of Christmas vacation, and that makes me very sad. The last day of break is always so hard. There's still so much I want to get done, and so little time to do it, plus, I want to rest on my last day. But, I don't see that happening. I've just got so much left to squeeze in to this last day. Of course, I'm not getting any of it done, sitting here writing on my blog!! I'm enjoying a cup of Starbucks coffee that one of my friends gave me for Christmas! Yum! Good stuff!!

I'm ready, however, to get this school year over. It's been a horrible year all around. Not just at school, but, in every area of my life. I'm so ready for things to calm down and get better. I want to smile and laugh again. I want to be happy again. I don't know when or if that's ever going to happen, but, I'm ready. I have never been this upset for this long, except when my mom was dying of cancer. Losing a loved one is truly the hardest thing in life to go through. Why does life have to be SO dang hard? I understand that struggles make one stronger. I understand that loss is part of life. I understand that this is all just a normal part of life, but, I don't understand why you are allowed to be SO happy, then, it's all yanked out from underneath you. I don't understand how someone can tell you one thing, yet DO something totally different. How does that make sense? I know that God is in control, and everything will work out the way HE sees fit. Still praying for peace, comfort, and for the pain to be gone.

God is good.

A new year. 2011. I know this is where I should say something positive like "Happy New Year!". I want to. But, I can't just yet. Oh, I want all of YOU to have a "happy new year". I want anyone reading this to have a year filled with health, happiness (true happiness), prosperity, and peace of mind, knowing that you are living the life that YOU want to live, the life that makes YOU happy. Like I've heard and said SO many times in my life,..."life is too short to not be truly happy". Make the best of every moment, every hour, every day.

2010 was a year of extremes for me:

1)Extremely proud of my kids- Morgan graduated from high school and completed her first semester of college.

2)Extremely happy for my kids- Jake and Amanda welcomed a beautiful baby boy, Jakob, into their lives. He is a wonderful addition to our little neck of the woods!!

3)Extreme helplessness- Morgan's struggles and battle with homesickness while away at college, left me feeling so helpless, when all I really wanted to do was go pack her up and bring her home, and rescue her from the tears and struggles. But, that would not have TRULY helped her, in the long run.

4)Extreme worry and fear - My dad suffered two strokes and multiple mild seizures, which caused some memory loss. Fear of losing my dad is just overwhelming. He is the last person on this planet that loves me unconditionally and without limits, other than my kids, of course. But, he's known me the longest and loved me longer than anyone else. I can't lose him. I just can't. The love between parent and child is like no other.

5)Extreme happiness for me, for several months. Never in my life, except for the birth of my children, was I EVER happier. I never thought it was possible to be that happy. I couldn't believe God had blessed ME with such complete happiness.

6)Then, extreme heartbreak, loss, and an extremely lonely feeling, that just won't quit. It's an everyday struggle, I don't know if I'll ever be able to overcome.

God has a purpose and a plan. I am counting on that. That's the only thing that gets me through each day. I pray constantly, for peace, a return to happiness, and a cure for this lonely broken heart, if that's even possible. God does perform miracles, so, I'm hoping it is possible for me to get over this. We will see.

God is good.