Finally got the results from Morgan's bloodwork from her cardiologist today! He said everything was in the normal range. Even the BNP, which tests for heart failure...he said it too, was "within normal limits for her", so, I was very happy to hear that!

Went to visit a good friend this evening. Been a long, long time. We had a good visit. We had supper together, a nice long visit. Now, I'm back at home, extremely tired and sleepy. I am ready for bed!!

God is good.

Busy, busy day. Ran to Owasso to get groceries. Came home and made Seven Layer Dip, a salad, and peanut butter cookies to take to Ben and Tammie's. We all met at their house this evening for our Christmas get-together/game night. Ashley, Jeff, Jake, Amanda, and everyone's kiddos, except Morgan were there. We did Mexican food night again. We played games, laughed, and had fun. Came home and now I have a horrible headache.

Yesterday, AFTER I had made Morgan take her first dose of antibiotics, which was 2 pills from a z-pac, we got a phone call from the pharmacy telling us that Morgan should NOT take those antibiotics because they were not compatible with one of her heart meds., her Lanoxin(Digoxin). They told me to call the doctor's nurse and talk to her. I called her and she explained that the mixture of those two meds. could cause a reaction. I was really surprised because Morgan has had z-pacs in the past, in fact, several of them! I also called the pacemaker nurse in OKC and left a message, asking for confirmation. They called back this morning and confirmed what the pharmacist had said. I'm shocked that I was NEVER told this before!! This could've cause toxic levels of her digoxin in her body, which in turn could cause several side effects!! I called the local doctor's nurse back and asked for them to prescribe a new antibiotic, this morning around 10:00. I thought I'd give them plenty of time to get it filled, and went to the pharmacy around 2:30, only to find it had never been called in!! They told me to call the doctor, which I promptly did, as soon as I got back in my vehicle.

They explained that the doctor had been out all day and had just arrived at the clinic, so, he would probably call it in pretty soon. I gave them awhile, then, called the pharmacy around 4:00 to see if it was ready. They said it STILL hadn't been called in, and I should call the doctor back!!! Grrrrrr.... I called them back and they said they thought it had just been called in, and I should call the pharmacist to make sure. Well, you guessed it, I called the pharmacist back and it still had not been called in. So, now, I call the doctor's office back to tell them that the pharmacist said it had not been called in. OH, MY GOODNESS!!! Seriously? It is now almost 5:30 and I'm guessing Morgan is not getting any antibiotics today. I understand things get busy, but, it's just really aggravating when your kiddo is sick and needs medicine. The CORRECT medicine, at that. I still can't believe no other pharmacist ever caught this mistake, nor can I believe that Morgan's heart dr. never told me about this contraindication!! I'm not a happy moma right now!!!

Morgan and I were a little sickly this weekend. We were pretty sure it was just a cold. Sore throat, sneezing, coughing, runny nose, etc. However, Morgan slept pretty much all day Saturday and Sunday. I should have done the same thing. Maybe I would've felt better this morning. I tried to take a nap, but, it only lasted about thirty minutes before being awakened. I told Morgan I would make her an appointment to go to the doctor first thing Monday morning. She can't get an upper respiratory infection without treatment. Not good for her heart!

This morning when I woke up, I could barely move. Muscles and joints all hurt. Very painful. I took a shower thinking maybe that would thaw my joints out. It didn't help. I finally gave in and cancelled all of my massages, and called to make an doctor appointment for both of us. I was determined to do the massages, but, couldn't seem to get ready fast enough. I could barely move my shoulders, hips, or hands and fingers. We were lucky enough to get in to see the doctor before 10:00 a.m., this morning. Morgan has an ear infection. He tested me for the flu. Thank goodness, it came back negative. If this is not the flu, I don't WANT the flu!! Everything hurts. I did have fever, he said probably a viral infection, and a Lupus flare, as well. I haven't had a Lupus flare in years. I've been very fortunate doing as well as I have with this crazy disease. He gave me a prescription for steroids and cough medicine. Morgan was prescribed antibiotics for her ear infection.

I slept most of the afternoon, with my sweats on and the electric blanket turned up on "high", and STILL freezing!!! Finally, I guess my fever broke, and the prednisone and Advil kicked in. Starting to feel some relief. My fingers are working somewhat better now. Thank you, Lord.

God is good.

Sore throat, sneezing, a little coughing, etc., not fun. I just want to go back to bed. However, I need to clean house and take down the Christmas tree. I don't know if I have the energy for all of that. I've been chugging the Emergen-C (1000mg vitamin C) drinks like they're going out of style. Still have a sore throat and just very tired and sore all over. Just a cold, I'm sure, but, I don't have time to be sick!! Morgan is sick too. She slept almost all day yesterday.


Why is this still so hard? Will it ever get better?

What a great day! Had a nice time at my son and daughter-in-law's home today! Baby Jakob's first Christmas!! He was so good. He sat in the floor, played with some of his toys, and chewed on a new pair of boots! He's SO, SO, SO cute!! Amanda's family is very sweet. Enjoyed getting to see them, as well.

Morgan's boyfriend spent Christmas with us as well. I'm glad he had a good time. He told Morgan it was his best Christmas ever.

I got a couple of phone calls from some very special people in my life. THAT made my day. Wish we could've visited longer.

:)

Merry Christmas!! So excited to see Jakob on his very first Christmas!! His mom and dad brought him over around 10:00 tonight, because he was screaming and wouldn't go to sleep (probably teething and not feeling too good). Amanda's sister and family were there, so, they were worried Jakob would wake them up. So, they brought Jakob over to see Grammy for a little while!! I had his wagon out and sat him in it, and I think he likes it!! He sat in it for quite awhile letting me take tons of pictures!! He's so cute!! He kept pulling up on the sides of the wagon and standing up!! He was very excited!!

I'm not going to Jay tomorrow, with Ben and Tami. Going to stay in Nowata and spend Christmas morning w/baby Jakob, watch him open his presents, then, probably come home and take a short nap or just lay down to rest for awhile, then, later go back over next door and eat Christmas dinner with Jake, Jakob, Amanda, and her family.

Waiting patiently...

Had a very busy, but, productive day. Got a lot done! Thanks so much to my friend, Sonya, and my step-mom, Maggie, and, of course, Morgan, for all of your help on our little "project"!! How fun was that?!?!

Then, on to finish up the purchases for the stocking stuffers!! I was extremely lucky and found what I needed and did NOT have to wait in line at all!! Each place I stopped at, I happened to luck out and find an empty check-out lane! That always makes for stress-free shopping! I'm so excited about finding exactly what I wanted for baby Jakob, AND it was on sale, I might add!!! While shopping, I ran into three or four friends, however, I never even saw them, and they walked right by me. They all said, "Hi, Linda" or I would've never even noticed that we were standing right next to each other. Boy, was I in the zone, or what?

Now, to get busy and wrap my goodies! Yes, I'm behind. Yes, I put it off. I don't think I've EVER put this off this long. Never again. Lots of wrapping to do, baking, and cleaning. Must get busy!! Can't get away with being Scrooge one more day. Must get with the program!

Hope you all have a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. I hope the Lord blesses you with an abundance of happiness and prosperity in the coming year.
But, most of all, I hope you are at peace with your soul, and know that many people love you. Remember to live life to the fullest, as life is short, and you never know what tomorrow holds. Live each day as if it may be your last day, and tell your loved ones that you love them, every day. Leave nothing left unsaid.

We made it to the city, safe and sound. We were able to visit with my aunt before going to bed. Had a very restful, relaxing day before heading up here. Morgan and I stayed up extremely late to watch the lunar eclipse!! It was beautiful, to say the least. God blesses us with such amazing wonders every single day. This was truly a once in a lifetime event, and such a fun thing to share with Morgan!! When Jake and Terry Allen were little, we watched a solar eclipse together. I made viewers out of shoeboxes and tinfoil. I still have the picture of them in their matching shirts and shoebox/tinfoil viewers!! Memories....priceless!!! Oh, the wonders of God's natural wonders/events in our short lifetime....
Life is short.....that phrase began something wonderful, but, apparently lost it's value and meaning. I've always lived my life by this motto, since I lost my mom, twenty-five years ago. I still believe it, and always will. Life is too, too short to not be happy. I'm trying to be happy and positive again, but sometimes it just seems so hopeless. I can't seem to make anyone happy here lately. No matter which way I turn, it's wrong. Just plain 'ol homesick sometimes. Ready to go HOME. Where I belong. God is good. Life is short. Miss you, Mom. Miss you, God.

Ended up only doing four massages, instead of the five that were scheduled. I had one person reschedule. So, I had a two hour break right in the middle, which was great. I got to run a couple of errands, before my last two massages. It's probably a good thing, because I am very tired. Getting ready to go to bed, a little earlier than usual. I plan on sleeping in tomorrow!!! Or at least, I'm going to TRY to sleep in, usually when I try to sleep in, I wake up at 5:00 or 5:30.

When I got home, Morgan was cooking supper!! She fixed tilapia and veggies! She did a really good job!! It was yummy!!

All in all, it was a good day! No tears today.

Isn't it funny how God puts things right in front of your face, just when you need them the most? God speaks to us in many ways. Sometimes it's a song. Sometimes it's a sign, figurative or literal. Sometimes it's a dream, or a vision. Sometimes it's something someone says to you. Sometimes it's a whisper or a thought in your heart or head.

Morgan and I were at Hobby Lobby last night, getting a few supplies for her jewelry making, when I spotted a small plaque with this saying...."I don't know what tomorrow holds, but, I know WHO holds tomorrow." When I read it, of course, being the blubbering idiot that I've been here lately, I started bawling!!! Grrrrr....I hate that!!! Why am I so danged emotional...still? But, it was at the same time very comforting. I love this quote. It was exactly what I needed at that exact moment. Probably going to be my mantra for the next several months. I just have to keep reminding myself that God will handle this, and that I need to just let Him do it without my help.

It's so good to have Morgan back at home. This house is SO lonesome without her in it. We have had three and a half very good days together. Today, we were especially busy. After bringing all of her belongings home from college, her room was completely full, and quite dangerous to walk in! Late this afternoon we started working on it. We sorted everything she had in her room into three boxes: Goodwill, Trash, and Keep. As she sorted, I bagged the trash and the Goodwill stuff. She was doing such a good job, that I could barely keep up with her!! She got rid of a lot of items that she no longer uses, so, now, all three of the outside trash cans are full, and my truck has at least six or eight bags of stuff for Goodwill, which I will drop off early in the morning, before I go to do my FIVE massages!!! We still have some work to do on her room, but, we made a HUGE dent in it. It already looks way better, and we can walk all around the room without danger of tripping over some of her dorm room stuff. We plan on getting it finished soon, (while we're in the mood) then, working on the spare bedroom! We plan to get it all done by Christmas!! Then, if we have spare time, we'll tackle the garage. Then, maybe we'll want to go out there and use the hot tub!! I'm just ready to get everything clean and tidy, get rid of the clutter, once and for all, then, just sit back and enjoy our nice, clean house!!

Tomorrow, five massages. Tuesday, going to the city to spend the night with my aunt, then, Wednesday, we go to see Morgan's heart doctor for her six month check-up. Hoping and praying all goes well. Wednesday, back home to finish up our cleaning projects and prepare for Christmas. Christmas day we're going to a town nearby to serve lunch to the homeless!! I'm so excited!! I've been wanting to do this for several years. I think it'll be great for Morgan, as well. I think it's something all kids should do. I think it might help us both to appreciate how blessed we are, with what we have.

God is good. No tears today...just smiles and hard work! :)

I don't know how long this song has been out. There's no telling how many times I've heard it, but, not until yesterday did I really listen to all of the words. I don't know why I've never paid attention to them before. Maybe I just needed to hear them at this moment in time....


"Well, hello world, how've you been?
Good to see you, my old friend
Sometimes I feel as cold as steel
And broken like I'm never gonna heal
I see a light, little grace, little faith unfurl
Well, hello world

Sometimes I forget what living's for
And I hear my life through my front door
And I'll be there, oh, I'm home again..."

This song really got to me. It's a Lady Antebellum song. I love this band, and can't believe I've never really listened to the words of this particular song. It's a tear-jerker, for sure. I heard it again today...same effect as yesterday. Dang radio, in my truck, really knows how to pull at my heartstrings. I guess I'm going to just have to turn it off for a few months!

Okay, I'm going to be fine. I'm going to make it. I'm doing great. I keep telling myself all of these things. Pretty soon, surely, I'll start believing them, right? Yes, I'll be fine. I'm getting there, slowly, but, surely. Yes, there are bumps in the road of life. This was, and is a major bump for me, but, I'm doing much, much better than I was the last two or three months. I think my mind, body, and heart are all just worn out and numb from all of the rollercoaster type emotions. We are all screaming, "UNCLE"!!!! This is going to all work out the way it's supposed to...ugh...I've heard that before, and I guess "this" wasn't what I was thinking, hoping, and praying for. God had other plans. So did some other people, I guess. Why can't I just accept them this time? Why is it so hard? Why can't I just move on like everybody else is? Why can't I get through this mourning period? Why do I feel like someone died? Why do I feel like I died? Okay, quit it!!! Arrgghh...I HATE being such a whiner!! Absolutely HATE it!!! That's not me. Never has been. Why now?

Okay, I have got to get busy and get my mind off of that. I must get busy, go do my Christmas shopping, clean house, and then enjoy my Christmas break. I'm ready to relax, spend time with family, friends, go see some Christmas lights, make some Christmas cookies, and watch a few hundred Christmas movies. I WILL get through this. I WILL make it. I WILL be okay. I AM okay, just experiencing another small bump in the road of life...

Man, just when I think it might be getting a little bit easier....

Another kick in the stomach! Why? And at SUCH a great time. Christmas. What a wonderful way to start off my Christmas break. Just makes me sick, again.

My heart is hurting for twenty kids, and their brothers/sisters/parents. When I received the e-mail that we had this many kids in our school that are currently homeless, it took my breath away. I sat there and bawled like a big baby, in front of my computer monitor. What really hit me was that three of those students are in ONE of my morning classes, another one of them is in one of my afternoon classes. A couple of them were in my classes last year. I knew about the two last year, but, had no clue about my current students. NO CLUE. These happen to be some of the sweetest kids I have this year, and some of my favorites. Yet, they never let on, never complained, never gave me one clue. Dear Lord, please forgive me for wallowing in my own sorrows and pity, for my petty problems. It COULD be worse. I've always said that, but, never really had it hit home like this. I have so much to be thankful for. I am truly blessed. My kids are blessed. They have no idea.

Today, one of my students asked if I wanted to read some of the poems she had written. Being an English teacher, and a fan of youthful creativity, I said, "Of course!" I read the first one, then, the second one. She was watching me intently, as I read. The second one made me sick at my stomach, scared, and very sad, all at the same time. As if God had sent her Himself, the counselor appeared at my door. I showed her the poem and called the student to the hall. The counselor took her to her office. This very young child, all of twelve years of age had written that she didn't want to live, was a "just a mistake", and all she wanted for Christmas was for someone to help her die. What could make a twelve year old feel that way? Dear Lord, in Heaven, please help this child and her family to get through the tough times they are going through right now.

Why do we always see our problems as so monumental, when there are people with much bigger problems, all around us, and most of the time, we don't even realize they are having challenges in their lives?!

Oh, what a day!! Started out great, ended up great. Not a bad day at all. I feel much better. Only three more days until Christmas break!!! I'm ready. I can do this!

Thought I was doing really well, until the middle of last night. I woke up, probably around 2:30 or 3:00 a.m., and just cried. Crazy. Why now? It hits me at the absolute oddest of times. I do really well at times, then, just out of the blue, it hits me again. And then, again. Sometimes it's a song. Sometimes it's something someone says. Sometimes it's the thought of Christmas alone, again. Sometimes, who knows? When will I be done with the crying? When will I truly be happy again? Or...will I?? Probably never. Not that way. I just don't think it's ever going to get any better. So tired. Ready for Christmas break. Just want to sleep...

God is good....

Not looking forward to Monday....ugh....another workshop!! I'm just about workshopped out!! I would much rather be in the classroom with my kiddos. However, after tomorrow, I will only have four more school days until Christmas break!! I can't wait!! Looking forward to spending time with family, however, I'm thinking I might have to make a roadtrip somewhere, just to get away and think...hmmm....where to go? Where to go?? I also plan to spend as much time with my dad as possible. He's doing so well these last few days, I just want to be able to talk to him, while he is remembering things.

Somehow, I thought this Christmas was going to be different than what it's turning out to be. It's bittersweet. I'm excited for baby Jakob and his first Christmas EVER!!! I'm excited about getting to spend time with him and various other members of my family. However, this Christmas, and many future holidays were going to be extra special, at least in my mind, until a couple of months ago. Then, everything, all hope...fell apart. The holidays are no longer fun. They haven't been for a very long time. I've been alone on Thanksgiving more years than I care to even count, and many times on Christmas day, as well. These are the times that hurt the most, along with Mother's Day, my mom's birthday, my brother's birthday, etc. Holidays just aren't the same without the people you love being at your side. Talk about feeling all alone in the world. It's just not the greatest thing in the world. I'll make it though. I'll survive. I always do. I have much to be thankful for. My dad is doing much better. My kids will all be here, or just right next door!! So, that makes it all better, and much more bearable, under the circumstances.

Okay, I will quit whining. I am extremely excited for baby Jakob and his wonderful Mom & Dad!! They will have a VERY special Christmas this year! My kids and grandson are healthy and alive. My dad is once again excited and happy to be alive. I will have two weeks off for Christmas and that in itself is a reason to be happy!!!

God is good. I will make it, with His help.

Christmas background coming soon..... :)

So, so, so happy today!!!!!  My dad called me this morning and he's had a FULL week of good days!!!  He and Maggie went to McAlester yesterday, and visited w/his sister, my uncle Joe, a brother or two, a nephew, some nieces, and several others that he had been wanting to see.  He named off everyone he visited with, and was so excited and happy that he got to see everyone and said that he had a really good visit with each one of them.  I'm so happy for him, and so thankful that God is giving him lots of good days.  Thank you, Lord!!!  God  IS good, and still performing many, many miracles!  I hope and pray that God continues improving his health and memory each day.  I need my dad.  I couldn't bear to lose him.  I hope and pray he has many, many more years ahead of him.

God is good.

Train - Drops Of Jupiter

This is for my mom....love this song....miss you mom....

"But, he waves goodbye, saying don't you cry...."  I love Frosty!!!  Nothing like the old Christmas cartoons to cheer one up!  "Frosty" has always been one of my favorites, along with "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer",  "White Christmas",  "It's a Wonderful Life", and many more cartoons and movies, shown during the Christmas season.

OH!!  "It's a Wonderful Life" is also on now!!!  Yay!!!  :) 

I had a great day today.  I went to Claremore, got my hair cut, Amanda got her hair cut, we shopped a little, got a new battery for my truck, and had a bite to eat.  I got to hold baby Jakob on several occasions, at least until he realized I wasn't his Mom!!  hehehe!!!  He's so cute!!!  He was such a trooper!  We wore him out last night, and I suspect we probably did the same today!  Poor baby!! Amanda almost finished her Christmas shopping.  Me, not so much.  I just can't get in the mood this year.  I've bought three gifts.  Total....can you say "Bah, Humbug..."???  That's my middle name right now.  Ebeneezer Scrooge...that would be me.  

Excuse me while I go get my Jimmy Stewart fix, watching "It's a Wonderful Life", which I love, love, love!!!

With a thick head of black hair, that little baby girl looked so sweet....I can't believe my good friend just had her third baby!!!  Miss Gabriella Maria....love the name!!!  8 lbs., 12 oz.!!  Born in Tulsa last night.  Adorable.  Went to see her, took pictures, then, went to eat supper with Amanda and Jakob at The Olive Garden. Jakob was such a good little boy.  He sat in a high chair for the very first time!! Oh, and did I say...he's such a good boy!!  Chicken / Gnocci Soup and Salad....yum!

Had a great day!!  Went by extremely fast, got a lot done at school.  Grades have been recorded, lesson plans written, substitute notes ready, workshop Monday, then, ONLY four more kid days for me!!!  However, I do have bus duty next week, so, I'm hoping it's not TOO cold next week!!  Off to bed I go now...so sleepy. 

God is good.

I'm SO ready for Christmas break!!!  Only seven more days left!!  Only 103 days until the end of school, in May!!!!  Seems like a lifetime away.   Will I make it?  The next several months are not looking too hopeful. 

Had another good day at school today though, in fact, the last three days have been very good.  Some nice surprises have actually made life bearable the last few days!! 

God is good.  My God is an AWESOME GOD....

Thank you, Lord, for another good day, for my dad!!!  He called me this evening, and told me all about his day.  He told me he went to the cafe this morning.  My step-mom said he hasn't been going lately.  He did go this morning, but, I'm guessing maybe it wasn't a good experience.  He said he probably wouldn't be going back.  I'm wondering what happened.  I was pretty excited that he remembered how to call me though!!!  I'm thankful that he's had two or three good days in a row!!  He did say that if he's still feeling good by the weekend that they will probably go to McAlester to see his sister and brother-in-law.  I think that would be good for him.  He's tired of being stuck in the house.  Maybe this will lift his spirits even more.  I sure hope so.  Just hate to see him sad and depressed. 

I had a really good day.  No tears!  I'm bound and determined to pull out of this much quicker this time.  I should have this down by now, after three attempts in less than two months to recover from a broken heart.  I think I'm just numb, or maybe just plain 'ol DUMB!!!  Boy, am I a slow learner.  I always thought I could take a hint.  Guess not...  It took longer than usual this time.  I am finally facing the cold, hard facts.  I chose to ignore, make excuses, and give "one more chance".  Yes, I have "sucker" written all over my forehead...tattooed, in fact, for EVERYONE to see.  My mom always said my worst fault was that I trust way too easily (i.e., "gullible?").  Probably true, because I always choose to see only the best in people.  It takes a whole lot to make me lose faith in someone.  I've also been told I have the patience of Job.  Probably not the best quality to have in a relationship.  However badly I've been hurt, stomped on, humiliated, chewed up, and spit out, and made a royal fool of,  I still believe in looking for the good in each person. I still believe in the goodness of God, no matter what happens.  Every one deserves a second chance.  God said to forgive seven times seven, or something to that effect???  I've always believed and practiced that.  We all make mistakes.  We all need second chances.  Sometimes, many more.  However, I did learn some very valuable lessons.  Probably one of the hardest lessons I've ever had to learn in my life.  Life.  Hard lessons.  Must go on.  Must push forward, no matter what. 

God IS good.

Every day is getting better.  I'm doing much better this time, than I did the last two times...I guess after one cries everyday, several times a day,  for a solid two months or more, there's just not a lot of tears left.  I'm over the sick stomach...most of the time.  Rarely happens any more.  I only cried once today.  Didn't cry at all Saturday or Sunday.  So, I am making progress, and I'm quite proud of myself.

Just knowing something, one way or the other, makes all the difference in the world.  Knowing the truth, makes all the difference.  Oh, I knew all along.  I just wanted to hear it from the horse's mouth.  But, the horse wasn't talking.  Two whole months could've been saved if only the horse had talked earlier.  How can someone NOT know what they want?  I still just don't understand that concept.  I know what I want.  I always have.  However, like I said earlier, the horse knew what he wanted, he just didn't know how to tell me, for fear of hurting me even more, and in so doing, hurt me even more than he thought possible.  But, it's done.  It's over.  It's all good. 

A wise friend recently told me..."Break off all ties.  If it doesn't work out, this person will trample through hell and back, to get back to you. They will find you no matter where you are."   Well, I didn't want to break off all ties, and still don't.  But, that is happening soon, very soon, whether I like it or not.  This past week of practically NO communication was horrible, but, I DID survive.  This has been probably the loneliest week yet.  At least before, I still got phone calls, texts, and e-mails.  Now pretty much, nothing.  In the next day or so, even less, or zero.  It's still hard to believe....I feel so lost. 

Another friend, just today, said almost word for word the same thing...."You know, if it doesn't work out, and it wasn't meant to be...this person will find you, no matter what, if he REALLY does care about you."  Funny, two people, who have never even met or talked to each other, basically told me the same thing.   One told me this almost two months ago.  One told me this today. 

Personally, I don't think this will happen.  I think this person will never attempt to contact me again, ever, no matter where the future leads him.  So far, my hunches have been right on.  I usually can sense how these things will go.  I may not like what I'm sensing, but, I'm almost always 100% dead on.  Sad, but, true.  I never wanted it to turn out this way, but, suspected it would.  God gives us signs, red flags, instincts.  He gives those to us for a reason.  I chose to ignore them, hoping it would "all work out", as I was told.  It didn't work out.  So, now, I just have to accept it and move on.  I'm doing the best I can, and it's much easier the third time around.  I will be okay.  I will survive.  I have to keep telling myself that.  I do believe it this time.  I actually laughed last night, while here in this lonely house by myself, for the first time, in a long time.  Yes, making progress.  I'm going to make it.  Eventually. 

On a more positive note, I talked to my step-mom tonight & she told me that my dad had a GREAT day today!!!  He was in a good mood, knew where he was, what was going on, etc.!!!  So, I'm still hoping and praying that the new medicine will help him out!!!  :)  Thank you, Lord!!!  

God is good...

Really feeling quite "bi-polar-ish" today....  One minute, I'm fine, then, the next, I'm down, again.  This is crazy.  This is hard.  This is lonely.  Why can't I just get over it and move on?  I hate being so depressed.  Praying for a snow day, so, I can stay home one more day.  I love snow.  Snow days always cheer me up! 

So happy that my dad is having a good day today!!!  Praying that he has more and more good days, as the new meds begin to take effect.  Praying that he has a complete healing and his memory and happiness is restored.  It's so hard to see him sad.  It breaks my heart.

Morgy just sold five of her necklaces, so she is happy!!!  She will be home in two weeks.  Please pray that all goes well and everything falls into place for her.  Please pray that we can get along while being in the same house again, for a few weeks.  I just want to have a peaceful Christmas break and enjoy my time off, as much as I can "enjoy" life at the moment.  That may take a miracle in itself.  Why do we clash?  Maybe we're both just too stubborn...

Moving to Alaska really sounds good right now.  Moving anywhere sounds good right now.  A deserted island would be good.  Only thing is, I'd miss my dad, Morgan, and those kiddos next door, and that sweet baby I love to kiss and hug...

So happy I lost another pound!!!  Twenty-one pounds!!!  Only thirty more to go!!  Woo-hoo!!!  Hopefully, that will be accomplished by the time school is out next May, or even sooner!!  To celebrate, I'm going to treat myself to a skydiving session!!  That would be the ultimate reward!!  That & maybe a cruise or some kind of trip....better start saving my pennies NOW!!!  Anyone want to go with?

Sold all of my snowman windows, except my original one!!  I want to keep my first one, to use as a pattern. Traded one of them for eleven more old windows!  Yay!!!  Made some new friends at the craft fair, made some pretty cool trades, had a great day.  Sold one of my snowman chairs!! 

I'm trying.

Got to talk to my dad today.  He sat with me for a couple of hours during the craft fair.  I feel so bad for him.  He knows his health is failing.  He's so depressed.  He gets so frustrated when he can't remember things. 

Felt lost without a phone for the last 24 hours!!!  It died.  I guess that last drop on the floor did it!! OOPS!!  Dang it!  I hate having to learn how to use a new phone!!  I'm sure I'll like it though once I learn how to do everything on it.  Since it was dead for almost 24 hours, I received no calls, voicemails, or texts...  I lost all of my pictures and texts, but, they were able to transfer my telephone numbers, thank goodness, or at least I think they got them all.   Just sad that I lost all of my pictures and a couple of special texts... I'll never get to read them again... :( 

Oh, this is killing me...my poor daddy.  This is breaking my heart.  Seeing the bewildered look on his face.  Watching his decline...  I'm hoping and praying that the new meds., started yesterday will soon take effect and quit causing him all the confusion, disorientation, and hallucinations....

I feel so helpless.  I wish I could do do something to help him.  I went to see him today as soon as I got to town.  He had called me at work today.  I could hear the loneliness in his voice.  Boy, can I relate. I know he also feels lost.  I can relate.  He feels abandoned.  I can relate. I can see fear in his eyes.  He almost looks childlike, all of a sudden.  I'm not ready for this.  It's just not fair.  He's a good man.  Why can't he get better?  Please dear, Lord, make him all better. 

What a difference a day makes.  What a difference a week makes.  This time last week, I at least had a little hope.  Now, nothing.  I have nothing.  This time two months ago, life was wonderful.  I had more hope, more happiness than I've ever had, in my entire life.  What a difference.  Life can turn on a dime.  Life....  What is that?  Right now, I'm trying very hard to imagine going on with that crazy thing called "life".  Right now, I'm really hating it.  Right now, life is really giving me a run for my money. 

Last night, as I was lying in bed, getting ready to go to sleep, I was flipping the channels, one last time, when I came across a familiar voice and an old favorite song.  It was a Gaither Family Special, I think, or infomercial, not quite sure which.   Ronnie Milsap was singing.....


"What a difference you've made in my life,

What a difference you've made in my life,

You're my sunshine day and night,

Oh, what a difference you've made in my life...


What a change you have made in my heart,

What a change you have made in my heart,

You replaced all the broken parts,

Oh, what a change you have made in my heart,


Love to me was just a word in a song that had been way overused,

But now I've joined in the singin',

'Cause you've shown me love's true meanin',

That's why I want to spread the news,


What a difference you've made in my life,

What a difference you've made in my life,

You're my sunshine day and night,

Oh, what a difference you've made in my life."


What a difference God has made in my life....what would I possibly do without HIM, to carry me through this cold, cruel world, and this crazy, sad thing called LIFE???  God can make a difference in your life, and I know He has and will continue to in mine.  Thank  you, Lord, for sending angels to take care of me during this time.  You and they have made all the difference in my life.  My son, daughter-in-law, grandbaby, friends, have all been so comforting and supportive these last couple of months. 
What a difference YOU'VE made in my life....with your help, I know I'll make it, Lord.  I love You.

Ready for more sleep....Please, Lord, let me sleep all night long...non-stop...

Today was better, amazingly.  God is good.  Constant prayer helps.  Friends help.  My kids help, holding Jakob helps.  I made it through a whole day without crying...had a couple of close calls, but, prayed through it, and didn't shed those tears today!  I'm going to make it.  It's just going to take a long, long time.  Keep breathing.  Keep praying.  Keep busy.  Pray some more. 

Praying for this sick stomach to go away.  Why did it have to return?  Grrrr....  I was finally starting to experience hunger pains again, for the first time in two months!  But, it's all good.  Loving the weight loss....just wish I could do it without a sick stomach.  Maybe I can lose another twenty or thirty pounds...That would be grand!

Praying for my dad.  What to do?  What to do?  Dear Lord, please help.  This is so hard, dear Lord.  What do You want me to do?  How do I do this?  I just can't bear it.  Wish I could just run away, far, far away, sometimes.  But, that's for cowards.  Just show me what I need to do, please. 

I think I want to live on a deserted island, when I grow up.  Just give me some coconuts, firewood, mosquito repellent, and nice cozy hut, a hammock, and plenty of sunscreen...and, oh, don't forget the chocolate!  :)  I don't want much,  just peace and a nice ocean breeze...