One massage given.

One pedicure received.

Horses fed.

Visited with Dad.

Saturday night. 

Waiting for the rain.

Missing you.

Went to Tulsa this evening with a couple of teacher friends to hear Temple Grandin speak.  She was very much as the movie portrayed her.  It was amazing, to say the least.  I respect and admire her, and was surprised to learn she has a great sense of humor.  I am going to have to get my movie about her out and watch it again.  I loved the movie.  What an extremely intelligent, unique individual.  I will add one of my pictures of her later.

"Whatever you want to do, do it.  There's only so many tomorrows."


"SHOW me, don't TELL me."


"Do something today that your future self will thank you for."


Words to live by, IF you really and truly believe in that old saying, "Life's too short to live with regrets...".  You know the one.

"....sometimes it hurts instead."

Breathe. Just remember to breathe. And keep praying. That's all I have. Prayers and hope. Please, Lord, give us a miracle.

Miss you.

Chemo oncologist today. Glioblastoma multiforme, a grade IV tumor, a malignant astrocytoma. According to the chemo oncologist, "one of the worst kinds of brain tumors you could possibly get." It is the fastest growing, most deadly type of brain tumor. No cure. EVER.

Two months. Two months ago they found this, and two months have been wasted doing NOTHING about this. Waiting on appointments. Waiting on test results. Waiting. WASTING precious time. He could've started treatments TWO MONTHS ago!!!

Today was the fourth day of radiation, first time to see the chemo oncologist. Chemotherapy will start Saturday, when the medicine arrives. Wal-Mart doesn't even carry it, because it is SO expensive. $12,000.00 a month expensive. Yes, I put in the correct amount of zeroes. Twelve thousand dollars a month. Thank the good Lord their insurance/Medi-care will pay for it. I just hope and pray he can tolerate it without getting sick.

I miss my Dad. Sometimes he can bring up the words he wants to say, most of the time, he can't. This breaks my heart. His language is gone sometimes, then, reappears for a moment. But, he ALWAYS manages to call me "baby" and say, "I love you," no matter what.

Oh, dear Lord, please come soon. This is just too hard. Please don't let him suffer. But, I still want to try everything possible to try to give him more time. I still believe in miracles, and I'm praying for one.

Amazing grace...how sweet the sound...

Radiation treatment number one, out of thirty. Dad made it okay, no problems. Please pray that he is cooperative, and doesn't get so tired that he refuses to go. Please pray for Maggie, as well. Pray that she continues to MAKE him go, as the doctor prescribed. Pray that she does not get sick and keeps her strength and health. She's going to need it. I wish I could take off more to help her take him to the treatments. I'm trying to save my days for the times he goes to the different doctors - the brain specialist in Tulsa, the radiation oncologist and the chemo oncologist, both in Bartlesville. We see the chemo oncologist this week, then, the brain specialist again next week. I don't have many days left, please pray I can still take off when needed and be able to keep my job.

This is in your hands, Lord.

Grace, grace, God's grace....

"Dream as if you'll live forever; live as if you'll die tomorrow."

One of my favorite quotes: "If it's IMPORTANT to you, you WILL find a way. It it's NOT, you will make EXCUSES."

"Life is too short to not be happy". This has ALWAYS been my philosophy in life. ALWAYS. I have always tried to be positive in every aspect of my life. I've never been one to dwell on problems, the past, etc. Funny how one person can totally squash your lifelong outlook on life. I've never, in my whole entire life allowed one person to change me this much. From this experience, I have learned to be very guarded, not trust so easily, not fall so easily, not dream. No more dreams for me. Just survive and make it through the day. Pray. Pray, constantly, to make it through every second of the day, without a tear.

I'm trying really hard to be happy again. Life just KEEPs throwing curve balls at me though. It's getting harder to dodge them lately.

Don't get me wrong, I am happy. I have good kids, a grandbaby, and my daddy is still alive. I have much to be thankful for. I am thankful for the many blessings I've been allowed. I am humbled by my good fortune.

However, there's still that nasty old wound, that will never be healed. Can't be. Permanent hole in the 'ol ticker. A hole that aches. A hole that is black and bottomless. It's there, and always will be. With lots of prayer and God's amazing grace, I will, however, survive.


Amazing grace, how sweet the sound...