I miss you. Terribly.

We went to the radiation oncologist this week. We found out that the brain tumor is a Grade IV. This means it is very fast growing. We start radiation treatments Monday. Five days a week for six weeks. The doctor said without the radiation, my dad probably only has six months to live. With radiation treatment, he thinks we can get a year, maybe even two. One or two years versus six months. I'll take that. Sure, I'd rather have forever. I'd rather be the first to go. Losing another parent is not in my plan. I'm praying for a miracle. A HUGE miracle. My God is big enough to do that. I'm trusting HIM. He knows what's best.

We had pictures made last weekend with my Dad. My friend, Charity, sent me one of the pictures of my Dad by himself, via e-mail. It was a beautiful picture of my Dad smiling. Smiling! Nothing better. My Dad smiling. When I get more of the pictures next week, I'll post a few. Love you, Dad.

Thank you, Lord, for each day with my Dad. Thanking you for a miracle ahead of time.

Praying for a snow day. I could really use an extra day, before going back to school.

Praying Morgan makes it back to school before it starts snowing.

Most of all, just praying for a huge miracle for my Dad.

"You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the ONLY choice you have." ~Unknown

Preliminary results say it's malignant, and it's a Grade III brain tumor. Still waiting on the final results, hopefully, will know something by Monday. The brain specialist says we will start chemo and radiation, after we get the final results. We will have to see a chemo oncologist and a radiation oncologist, to set up a treatment schedule.

Today, my sweet friend, came over and took a multitude of pictures of my dad - some with the kids, some with Maggie, some with me, some, by himself. The hardest thing I ever did. As soon as I sat down by him to get our picture taken, he told me he loved me. I lost it. My kids all left the room. I didn't mean to do it. It just happened. My friend, Charity, the photographer, was also in tears. I felt so bad. She lost her dad a little over a year ago to cancer. I would've NEVER dreamed to ask her to take pictures of my dad, under these circumstances. She approached me when I found out my dad's prognosis. She told me to pick a day and time and she would come take pictures. Charity is an excellent photographer and an even better friend. Thank you, so very much, Charity. I know this was just as hard on you, as it was on my kids and me. I love you. What a wonderful, generous thing for you to offer. I know these pictures are going to be treasured forever.

For some reason, an old James Taylor song keeps running through my mind today...."How sweet it is, to be loved by you..." I have been blessed with the sweetest Daddy anyone could EVER, EVER hope to have. He has gone above and beyond the call of duty and helped me and my kids more than he'll ever know. What would I have done without him all these years?

I decided it might be a good idea to get some photographs taken before treatment begins. We don't know for sure how he's going to handle the chemo, or if he can. I pray it doesn't make him sick. I pray the doctor is right, and it makes him have a better quality of life.

I love you, Daddy.

It's not looking good. So sad to watch your dad go downhill, fast. He's lost so much weight. Waiting for more test results. Please pray, if you pray. So sad.

After being gone for five days, I'm glad to be home, yet, sad. Wish I could've stayed longer with my aunt to help her out. What a rough, emotional first week of Christmas break. My uncle passed away on my birthday, last week, which was also the last day of school for me. The last five days were filled with family, tears, and lots of love. Today, the funeral, the graveside service, the family dinner, more traveling. Morgan is doing somewhat better. To her, this was Papa Jim, and Granny Retha, all of her life, even though they were, in reality, her great uncle and aunt.

Then, more bad news, in the midst of all of this. My dad. Dear Lord, please help him; please heal his body, and make him new. I can't lose him. Not now.

So tired. So sad.

Much to do, so little time. Can't wait for Christmas break. I have never waited this long to put up my Christmas tree. UGH...my heart just isn't in it, for some reason. Just when I think I'm okay, I have a dream. Why? Why? The last two days have been hard. Bittersweet. I'm happy and hopeful, yet, so sad and lonely. How can that be? Lord, please help me. I miss you, Mom. I miss pure happiness. I miss my brother. This lone journey is a hard one. I miss my dad, even though he's still here. Please, Lord, make him better.

"It is well with my soul..." It is. It truly is. Finally. I'm good. I'm happy. I'm excited about life again. I'm over it. It's a scar, for sure. A BIG, ugly, nasty scar. But, scars are a sign of survival, not defeat. I'm no longer defeated. I am a survivor....always have been. Thank you, Lord. Others may leave and forsake me, but, YOU...You never will. For that, I am eternally grateful.

Oh, YEEAAHHHH!!! Go POKES!!!! AWESOME win tonight!!! Loved every minute of the game!!! :) :) :) :) :) :) :)

Please, Lord, not again.